Dec 302007
One year comes to a close, another is about to begin. Let’s hear your 2008 Rock Prognostications. Here are a few of my own:
- Keith Richards will live through the year.
- An Amy Winehouse sex tape will make the rounds.
- David Lee Roth will be kicked out of Van Halen.
- Lily Allen will become a spokesperson for Jenny Craig.
- Rock Town Hall will revive discussion of Love’s Forever Changes, causing Mr. Mod to launch into his tired “music for bullfighting” charge.
- David Bowie and Elvis Costello will reissue their back catalogs. Subsequently, Townsman Berlyant will detail his 28 “Top 5” Costello albums while many other Townsmen struggle to separate their homophobia from their astute rock criticism regarding Bowie.
- Townspeople alone will be mystified by the induction of Dave Clark 5 into the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame; the rest of the world will carry on.
- Klaus Voorman will get permission from his “better half” to answer our piercing set of questions we sent him about 6 weeks ago.
I look forward to your own prognostications.
Smack addicts don’t have sex. It’s the only thing that’s saved us from having a buncha little Lou Reed Jrs. to kick around.
Mr. Mod sez: “Lily Allen will become a spokesperson for Jenny Craig”
Hey man, don’t make fun of the preggers teen! She’s just putting on baby weight!!! And she’s having the love child of Ed from The Chemical Bros. They’ve been dating for like two months, they’re moving in together – Ed is 37 and she’s 22. I’m sure there’s a bunch of dude’s slapping hands right now somewhere, but here’s my prognostication for 2008 – Lily Allen has baby, next Lily Allen album is set of tracks of baby songs from the new mum and dad, dedicated to young parents still living at home with mum and dad but who still party at night together to techno and 90s indie trax at the club, while their parents watch their kid’s babies. These new parents are still living at home because they don’t have the dosh to make it on their own like Lily and Ed. Oh yeah, and in 2008, we find out who Jamie Lynn Spears’ babydaddy really is! The world is a soap opera and I’m in it!
* Mojo will feature the Beatles on the cover of an issue in 2008.
* Mojo will feature either John Lennon or Paul McCartney – maybe both – on the cover of an issue in 2008.
* Mojo will feature Bob Dylan on the cover of an issue in 2008.
* Mojo will feature Pink Floyd on the cover of an issue in 2008.
* Mojo will feature Led Zeppelin on the cover of an issue in 2008.
* Mojo will feature some hip new artist on the cover of an issue in 2008 to try to fool people into thinking they are current.
* I’ll continue to think that Mojo is the best music magazine out there because I like the Beatles and Bob.
* I’ll buy about 200 CDs. Only about a third will be 2008 releases (and 12 of those will come free with Mojo), maybe 20 will be truly new and not reissues, and possibly 3 will be by artists who never released anything prior to 2002.
* Bruce Springsteen will issue a deluxe edition of Magic with a couple more tracks.
* CD sales will continue to plummet and the industry will continue to blame it on illegal file sharing.
* Some big name, well past his prime, artist will release a CD thru Starbucks and it still won’t sell.
* Led Zeppelin will have the highest grossing tour ever.
* The 2009 inductees to the R&R Hall of Fame will be announced and we will all nod our heads saying “Well, you know, in retrospect, the DC5 wasn’t such a bad choice.” (Actually, I have no problem with the DC5 selection now.)
* Neil Young will not release his 57 disc Archive collection.
* Some new band in Britain will go platinum in 2 weeks and no one in the US – outside of RTH – will ever buy a copy.
* My Top Ten of 2008 will have 6, maybe 7, entries.
* There will be an RTH gathering in the Philly area and it will be scheduled for a night that I can’t make it.
I’d really like to see Van Halen mix things up this time around. Instead of firing Dave, as we all expect to happen, they should fire Alex. Nobody would see that coming, and it would give them additional press when they do the search for a new drummer. Additionally, Alex would then be able to head up a third Van Halen splinter group, possibly called AlVan. Or Van Halex.
My 2008 predictions, at least one very hazy to increase the chance of being right:
-The Rolling Stones will suffer a tragic loss
-AC/DC will attempt to mount a farewell tour or will simply announce the band’s retirement
-Gene Simmons will not win on Celebrity Apprentice, but KISS will be inducted into the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame. Ace and Peter will be allowed to attend by Gene and Paul, but only grudgingly and neither will get any tickets so any loved ones they may have can attend the induction
-Prince, now in complete control of his online presence, begins publishing a daily blog
–Chinese Democracy has a release date announced for late spring 2008
-Bono kills a homeless guy, crime is covered up
-Someone connected to Steely Dan is interviewed on RTH, question about Walter Becker’s beard not answered
–Chinese Democracy has a release date announced for late fall 2008
-Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers announced as Super Bowl XLIII Halftime Show
Alexismagic, I swear to God you’re Nostradamus!!! Those predictions are all kinds of hilarious;)