While driving and listening to the amazing “Paperback Writer” b/w “Rain” single over the weekend, and a frequent thought entered my mind: If Paul McCartney never wrote a song and never opened his mouth to sing, he’d still go down in rock history as one of the genre’s greatest bass players.
I didn’t stop there. “God spared nothing when he put together Paul McCartney,” I blurted out to my wife, who did not object but who braced herself for the nerdy pontificating to follow. Wisely I kept my next set of thoughts to myself, especially as my mind raced toward dreaded (for her and surely some of you) sports analogies.
Paul McCartney is one of rock’s 5-tool musicians! I silently declared to myself, adapting the baseball term for players who can hit for average, hit for power, and who possess speed, fielding ability, and a strong throwing arm. It was really wise of me to keep these thoughts to myself during our pleasant Sunday drive. As you sit in the passenger seat of Rock Town Hall, I will not grant you a reprieve from my latest venture into sports-rock thinking.
In musical terms, a 5-tool musician like McCartney possesses well above-average skills in the following areas:
- Singing
- Writing songs
- Writing hit songs
- Playing an instrument at a high level
- Looking good.
I doubt many musicians possess all 5 of these tools. Being honest (ie, not bringing my personal tastes into this), Sting is the only other musician who comes to mind as fulfilling these criteria. I’m sure I’m missing some other obvious 5-tool musicians. I guess Prince is another musician who fits this bill, despite my not personally digging his music or his Look.
Despite the musical riches that McCartney was granted, while watching a Philadelphia 76ers-Brooklyn Nets game on TV the other night, it was clear that the Lord left Paul wanting in some areas. I wish I could find a clip of him dancing and pointing to himself on the big screen at Brooklyn’s arena, but this “can’t always get what you want” moment will have to do:
Prince definitely counts, Mod. You at least have to admit that he’s the Filthy Ken Griffey Jr. of rock, at minimum.
That McCartney clip somehow only reinforces my love of and respect for the guy. Anybody else at his level (and there probably isn’t anybody else at his level) goes courtside, but he’s up there in the stands, eating stadium food like a normal goon and really, really wanting to catch a cheap t-shirt. That’s so weird and human for arguably the most famous living entertainer that it’s amazing.
The Kid is a great comparison for Prince. Like Griffrey, I never liked Prince in his prime, but now I respect him as an Elder Statesman.
Are you concerned that Paul’s wife has her head down in her smartphone while he’s doing his thing, or is this a healthy sign of the personal space needed for a strong marriage?
I would put our recently mutton-chopped friend Steve Winwood in this category. He’s kind of a Jack Morris type — a winner with several different bands/teams.
WE REACH!, as HVB might say. Excellent comparison.
Check out the wife from 5 seconds to 10 seconds, that brief flash of “look up, pretend to be interested in some nonsense, immediately go back to what you were doing” is definitely a healthy, long-term relationship skill everyone could stand to employ so effectively.
Macca’s definitely #1 with a bullet, but Steve Winwood’s a great grab as well. And hell yeah Prince deserves to be there. I’d add a young Stevie Wonder to the list.
And Eric Clapton. He’s written some great (if overplayed) songs, such as “Layla,” “Bell Bottom Blues,” “Behind the Sun,” “Let It Grow,” and certainly some monster hits, such as “Wonderful Tonight” and “My Father’s Eyes,” and far more if you include co-writers. (As Winwood usually, if not always, had.) He can sing and even play guitar a little. And while he’s not Sir Paul level of adorbs, he’s certainly a good looking guy.
Chuck Berry was more striking than good-looking, I think, otherwise I’d put him on here. But Little Richard fits the bill, as well: that’s one purty, purty man.
Young Stevie Wonder is a good one. I’m sure people dug his looks, even if he couldn’t.
Little Richard was a 5-tool musician. Chuck may have made the grade had his tools not been discovered running amok in the girls’ bathroom.
Clapton’s not really an outstanding singer, although he’s developed a handsome, dignified style in his old age. Show of hands: Has anyone ever gotten turned on just looking at Young Clapton?
How about Lindsey Buckingham? He is an excellent guitarist and arranger, has written both hits and deeper tracks for the Mac and was not a bad looking fellow (at least he did OK with Stevie Nicks). He is also pretty proficient at all other rock instruments to boot.
This occurred to me after hearing this song on my small collection of “holiday” songs on my iPod. Not specifically Christmas, but it will do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hPZFUz0YOY
Modern-day Lindsey Buckingham, so full of himself and looking like a smug, once-hip lawyer (my apologies to the smug, once-hip lawyers among us) really bugs me, but yes, he’s a 5-tool musician. He’s like a slick-fielding shortstop with deceptive power.
Touche!
Hmmm, I’m also trying to figure out if any female musicians meet the 5-Tool Test. The closest I could think of was PJ Harvey, although none of her songs have been hits.
Stevie Nicks, going back to the Lindsey Buckingham reference, would also meet 4 of the 5 criteria, but is she such a great musician?
LB is Alex Rodriguez
aloha
LD
This just in: Mr. Royale nominates the Wilson sisters.
Paul Weller?
Stevie Nicks never plays an instrument other than a tambourine, does she? Nope, she’s not a 5-tool musician. One woman to consider might be prime-time Joni Mitchell, whose distinctive guitar style was openly aped by Jimmy Page. She wrote 2 or 3 hit songs.
I don’t know. I guess he’s written more hits in England. Where I think he barely falls short is in the “ace musician” category. He’s a very good guitarist and likes to display his blues-rock chops, but I don’t know if he’s at the forefront of any particular guitar style. Close. At least worth a second visit by scouts.
Buddy Holly?
Steven Malkmus!
I’m not really a fan but Stevie Wonder should be in here, right?
And Pete Townsend.
There’s five guys in Bon Jovi, so that’s 5 Tool Musicians, right?
Unfortunately, I think Jon BonJovi actually fills Mod’s criteria, but I think that’s enough of that. I’d rather nominate Brooce. His songwriting chops easily meet two criteria. He’s a recognizable singer and doesn’t seem to struggle even after three hours a night. I had to admit when I saw him years ago that I wished he would take more solo’s because I thought he was the best musician on the stage when he stepped forward. I know he’s got the looks, because I’ve heard more than one woman tell me he does. I’m pretty ambivalent about the guy, but he’s the real deal, whether I like it or not. He’s certainly more tooled than Clapton.
…although I would swap out “singing” for “iconic stage presence”.
Buddy most definitely! He’s the original 5 tool guy in Rock N Roll.
And maybe “Looking Good” for giant nose?
How about Brian Wilson (the Kraz-ee Beach Boy, not the Kraz-zee bearded Dodgers pitcher), at least up to Pet Sounds?
Was he considered a killer guitarist or especially appealing to the eye?
Hit songs I’m missing? Was “Cut Your Hair” a chart topper?
How about…NO!
The Boss is a good one. His guitar playing is underrated.
No, Carole Kaye was the bassist on records, right? I don’t think he shines on a particular instrument.
Explain yourself, Mod!
He had to be a pretty damned good guitarist since there were only three of them. My mom says he was pure eye candy, and not the nerdy looking guy I see at all.
Nick Gilder.
First of all, Townshend is an innovative guitarist, but he’s only fit for The Who. No one would hire him to be simply a guitar player. His solos past the early records typically blow. I know a lot people like hearing him wank off on Live at Leeds, but they would enjoy him even more if they didn’t listen to that album. That’s not my strongest reason for not including him, however.
Most importantly, who in their right mind envies his voice? Pete’s good for a song or a middle eight now and then, but the best way to ruin most of the Who classics is to let Pete sing lead on a Roger song.
Pete is a 3-tool musician, at best, with 2 mighty songwriting tools!
If 2000 Mom dug him that’s all I need to know. Buddy Holly: welcome to the 5-tool club!
4 at least: Songwriting, Hit Song writing, guitar playing, and an iconic, if not traditionally easy-on-the-eyes, Look. His guitar playing is innovative and unique and ass kicking and your personal tastes shouldn’t be the cause of his exclusion. I got over my aversion to Stevie Wonder enough to acknowledge his place in the line up.
Todd Rundgren
Does anyone know if Steve Lukather sings?
Kind of homely, no?
Lukather can do anything you can do, but better! He brings at least 6 tools to the table.
Ms. Kirroyale’s crush: David Gilmour
Alicia Keys
If he’s written some of the big Pink Floyd songs, indeed. (I’m never sure if anyone writes those songs by Waters.) Well, I guess he’s written the post-Waters hits, so welcome aboard, David Gilmour.
My girl!
Neil Hannon. I guess he hasn’t written very many big hits (and the hit songs of his aren’t that good), but his music is excellent, he’s a great songwriter, he plays basically all the non-strings on TDC albums, and he’s not bad-looking.
It was pretty big, IIRC. Not their best, but still, I think he counts.
Yeah, Springsteen’s a great guitar player. I’ve seen him live a couple times and he was amazing.
James Brown:
Singing – Yes
Writing songs – Yes
Writing hit songs – Yes
Playing an instrument at a high level – Great organ player
Looking good – Yes!
I have got to go with Neil Young…
Singing – A big yes
Writing songs – Check
Writing hit songs – Some in the top 40 and many iconic
Playing an instrument at a high level – Not another like him
Looking good – Yes I would have to say so in all his phases..
I don’t know. I’m way too uptight to comment on another dude’s looks.
Hold on a second, Gilmore is not considered a top shelf guitar player? His playing is absolutely tasteful and fits the songs perfectly, but how much non-Floyd range does he have? And is his style as distinct as, say, Pete Townsend’s? The answer to the latter is no.
Vince Gill
Dave Grohl.
Thanks, MrHuman.
Then what about Dennis Wilson?
I’m a better drummer than Dennis Wilson, and I’m at least the fifth-worst drummer in my band.
Loosen up! We’re talkin’ 5-tool musicians, man. As a scout, you are obligated to provide honest judgment.
I think his style is as distinctive. Every Gilmour solo starts out with the same high, slightly bent, slightly harmonic, supremely majestic thrust. Isn’t the solo in “Comfortably Numb” the model for 99% of his solos? You may be right, however: he’s not really an “ace” guitarist the way McCartney is an ace bassist. He is, however, extremely tasteful.
MrHuman, we’re talkin’ 5-tool musicians. Great looks are a MUST. This guy may be “not bad-looking,” but for our own self-esteem as “not bad-looking” men, let’s keep this in perspective:)
https://www.google.com/search?q=neil+hannon&rlz=1C1CHFX_enUS499US499&espv=210&es_sm=93&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=fGW0UqidE8i-sQSX4oFo&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=666
I don’t know. I think other than that second picture, he’s pretty handsome, but okay.
All right, I’ll trust your judgment! Plenty of people think Ryan Gosling is a beefcake, but I don’t get him at all.
Crissie Hynde?
Not an especially dynamic guitar player who would be hired by a band to do nothing but play guitar, is she?
Hmm… the criteria seem to be rather fluid depending on the desired outcome.
How about Phil Collins? If you look at an old photo of him, anmd he’s not mugging for the camera, he’s not bad looking. And he definitely meets the rest of the criteria, no matter what you think of his music.
No, I’d have to agree with you on that. 4 out of 5.
I would almost submit Elton John. It depends on how you qualify “looking good”. He has his look, and owns it.
Heh, heh. You said “tool”.
Yes 2000 Man, Pete loses by a nose.
So he’s the original The Edge. He’s got someone vouching for him in the looks department, so that’s good enough for me. He’s in.
Elton never seemed to have any trouble pulling dudes. His look must be solid.
Joan Jett. And before Mr. Mod questions her guitar playing chops, her job in The Runaways was just to play guitar and look great. She evolved it into more.
I’d guess Lita Ford, too. I think technically she had more hits, but Joan attracts more humans physically.
Before it gets lost, this is a very good latter-day example, imo.
Rundgren at his peak was the Ozzie Smith of rock. Nobody ever went to the park to see the Wizzard of Oz ‘z schozz’z on the jumbotron.
Someone played piano on “Surf’s Up”
aloha
LD