Fellow Townsmen and Townswomen — I have long since resigned myself to the notion that my earnest contributions to this fine forum have disqualified me from any form of elective office… like, ever. The electronic paper trail I’ve left behind is long and eminently mis-quotable, unfortunately. But that can’t stop a man from dreaming!
As I ponder the upcoming election, I sometimes think: “Shit, man… if I were President, I’d be, like, the most full-on culture vulture Prez since Jack Kennedy. I’d have concerts and shit, showcasing the finest artists in the modern (and perhaps not so modern) American music canon… and shit.”
Then, of course, I stop myself, and think more realistically about what a President really can do with regard to showcasing talent in the White House for foreign and domestic dignitaries. Clearly, a performance by Iggy and the Stooges would be a waste of good talent, and would likely get me impeached for some damn reason or another. You gotta keep it real, but non-offensive, at the same time.
So who would make the White House concert schedule if you were Prexy? I have a short list, and it would be eminently do-able; quality American artists who wouldn’t offend anybody, but would provide a high-quality display of American musical talent. I wanna hear about yours!
Hail to the chief (that’d be you),
HVB
I know they’re on hvb’s list already, but I would suggest Lou Reed and Bob Dylan.
American artists who’ve not already been done to death by the White House? Mmmm, I’m assuming Stevie Wonder and Paul Simon have already gotten their props. As much as I love him, I don’t want to see that shell of Bob Dylan representing our nation. It’s a time for CHANGE, isn’t it?
No one good who’s not somehow offensive immediately comes to mind. I guess Los Lobos wouldn’t offend anybody, but they’d likely use the big stage to pull out their Stevie Ray Vaughn-style blues side that they sometimes get into. Lee Atwater’s already done that. I’ll tell you one American artist I’m bringing to the White House who’s not gotten his due: Don Covay.
What I’d really like to do, however, is bring in foreign artists whose musical tastes long ago were “conquered” by our style of rock ‘n roll. To me, this would show the world who’s boss. Nick Lowe, for instance, would be dragged to the White House lawn in chains, where he would then entertain world leaders with his particularly AMERICAN style of music.
Mod, an interesting approach, for sure. But let’s not get sidetracked by your well-intentioned internationalism. Good call on Dylan. (Bad call on Dylan, BigSteve. And, come on, BigSteve — Lou Reed? What would he play that would be dignitary-friendly and *not* awful?)
I’ll share one of mine to help get discussion going: Chris Stamey. I think that guy is a songwriting national treasure. I might even sponsor a 128-string acoustic set with Peter Holsapple.
Chris Stamey?!?!?! Ugh. As much as I love those first two dB’s albums and a handful of his solo releases, a recent piece he’s got in TapeOp, if you’d seen it, surely would disqualify him from ever appearing in public again, especially to represent our country?
Has anyone seen this TapeOp piece (the first of a promised 2-parter – ooh, I can’t wait for part 2!)? It’s his advice for how musicians can best prepare their recordings for mastering. I expected to find something helpful. Instead, it’s the nerdiest detailing of digital file naming protocols seen this side of one of the functions of my day job! YUCK! I checked on TapeOp’s website the other day to see if there was an electronic link to this piece, but there wasn’t. I should remember to scan it in as the basis for a separate discussion. Meanwhile, I’m curious to hear more about the “national treasure” of Stamey’s songwriting. It’s statements like these that make me feel ashamed of having spent the last 27 years, or whatever it’s been, touting the greatness of those first two dB’s albums.
AMERICA awaits your detailed explanation , President HVB, of what Stamey’s appearance on the White House lawn would demonstrate to our nation!
First of all, Stamey is *not* the kind of artist who would appear on the West Lawn. His set would be performed in a more intimate, interior setting. As to his treasure status: I dunno what I can do to convince you if you can’t find a mind-blowing hour or two worth of material across his solo albums. hell, even “Fireworks” has three or four essential bits of AMERICAN songcraft on it. And his next-to-last LP — the one with the plane on the front — is quite good.
Look, putting AMERICA’s best and brightest on display has a lot to do with pedigree and “influence” — as well as just general rockin’ out quality. (For these reasons, I second your Covay nomination.) But it’s also about satisfying the beard-strokin’, pipe-smokin’, brandy-sniftin’ music intellectuals out there. And Stamey’s got that shit *down* these days.
Plus, part of the fun of being President is it allows you to put largely unappreciated (by the masses, that is) AMERICAN talent on display, so the world can properly discover them, at last. Stamey stays!
And what does all this horseshit about his studio geekery have to do with the issue at hand, bro? Nothing! STAY ON TARGET!
As President, I would invite Springsteen and the E-Street Band to the White House. There, I would comment to the gathered press about not being used to “calling someone else ‘The Boss’…besides the First Lady!” This would get a big laugh from the male reporters. I would also ask if Clarence Clemmons was available to be my VP when I ran for my next term, and ask Little Steven about that Sopranos finale. This would get fewer laughs, because people would be tired of Sopranos finale jokes, but would still have to offer polite laughter because I’m the President.
Finally, I would have a photo op at the end of their visit where Springsteen got to sit behind my desk in the Oval Office, and I’d say “Don’t get too comfortable, now!” and wink. This would win over the crowd again.
Townsman Alexmagic wins the popular vote!
‘Fess up — you’re actually Mike Huckabee posting under an alias, aren’t you?
Hrrundi asks:
Because there’s the strong likelihood that he’ll use his moment on the World’s Most Intimate Stage to foresake a musical performance and instead unleash his musico-wonkery on the congretation! The AMERICA you and I so love is NOT the Land of Pie Charts, is it?
After Carter became president, he put on just this kind of concert, and it was broadcast on PBS. It was a long time ago, and all I remember is Aretha tearing it up and Paul Simon closing the show by singing American Tune. I remember feeling (briefly) proud to be an American.
If Obama becomes president, the obvious thing to do would be to feature black artists. I would hope that he wouldn’t overdo the dignity routine by showcasing say Wynton Marsalis. I say get George Clinton. And since young voters would have helped put Obama in office, he really ought to have someone under 60 years old. I’m picturing something like that Dave Chapelle concert film.
The temptation to play it safe would probably lead more in the direction of Quincy Jones or someone like that.
American artists who wouldn’t offend anybody, but would provide a high-quality display of American musical talent?
I am going to have invite the band NRBQ to showcase the wealth of American Music.
Great one, President petesecrutz! Here’s a man who know how to throw a presidential partay!
I like Parliament and Funkadelic, but – I meant to bring this up on that thread about coming around on artists after a long wait – I think the key to appreciating them is deciding what it is you like about the actual songs in spite of the stage show they’re known for. In this case especially, you can’t have them perform at the White House: the political climate is far too dangerous right now to risk having some guy in diapers running around the White House lawn, no disrespect meant to the Starchild. We need to rebuild our international reputation before we can mobilize our troops in the Guitar Army.
I’ve been trying to think of people who I would pick for something like this, but I’ve been disqualifying names for being potentially too controversial, too British or too dead. My ideal choice would have been a pre-“Living In America” James Brown. “The Payback” would be my campaign song, no question.
Again, Alexmagic, I am again impressed by your canny political savvy. I fear President BigSteve would have have lost all of his political momentum thanks to that foolish Reed/Dylan/P-Funk show he proposed. How can any red state legislator reach across the aisle when our newly elected Blue president is so far out of the cultural mainstream?!
How about Neil Young? He’s taken strong stands on the full range of our political spectrum. Now that Johnny Cash is dead, I don’t know that any American musician stands for a wider range of political views. I know he’s technically Canadian, but aren’t the really successful ones who live here technically American after having paid enough taxes?
Hmm. Perhaps you could bring Mr. Young down as part of a pro-NAFTA push?
Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings?
The Roots?
As President [deleted], I’d want to find an American artist who does not overtly define him/herself as such, but still embodies some intrinsic American-ness in the music, man. So many American rock bands, if they stick around long enough, get bandied about as a “great American rock ‘n’ roll band” in a way that’s become a bit of a tired cliche, and as a result, even the likes of Wilco and, yes, Sonic Youth will not be invited to my stage.
No, instead, I’ve decided Jon Brion in his improv Largo mode will my performer of choice. He takes requests, he makes stuff up, he’s got MIDI loops and vintage instruments. He tries to channel John Coltrane and Ray Davies at once, and is thus perhaps a bit deluded. He can don the Kentonite lab coat OR fumble about in a totally desultory manner. He loves the Great American Songbook, whether it’s Rogers and Hart or Outkast. I’m fairly certain, with my Presidential directive, he will do something that will cause the country to say in unison, “What the fuck was that?!”
Excuse me, I meant “President Oats.” Sorry for the letting the facade slip.
President Oats: good choice! I actually saw Jon at the Largo about five years ago. Very cool show. Have you ever seen him?
I have not but I’ve heard many bootlegs of his shows. For a time, seeing Brion in LA was a goal of mine, but that’s receded some. But the White House lawn? I’m so there!
I hope so, it would be a huge political blunder to snub Jon Brion by not even showing up for the concert you threw. He’d be on the phone in no time, and then you’d have Kanye all over your ass.
I thank you. In these difficult times, this kind of support reassures me that I made the right choice when I paid the cost to be the boss.
Tvox suggested The Roots, and that’s a pretty hard one to argue with. For many townspresidents, I gather, they’d also be a good choice to remind your constituents that you haven’t forgotten where you came from. Plus you could probably throw ?uestlove some money to do all the legwork in putting together a solid Presidential Block Party, as BigSteve was envisioning.
With some further thought, I might opt to do something that would both help cement my legacy and show to the nation and world that I am a uniter and someone who will do what is necessary to put destructive, age-old disputes to rest. Using my influence as leader of the free world to open negotiations and get results, I would host a Fourth of July concert headlined by John Fogerty playing with Doug Clifford and Stu Cook. I would, of course, join them on stage when it was time to do “Fortunate Son.” I’d also make them do “Fight Fire” to help bolster my rock cred, but I probably wouldn’t make them wear the Golliwogs wigs, because that wouldn’t go over well.
I think this would go a long way towards softening the blow when, at the end of the concert, I would announce that I was re-instituting the draft.
I don’t know about President Obama, but Candidate Obama needs to put on a show with Los Lobos, Rick Martin, and J Lo as quickly as possible. It could make all the difference.
Ricky Martin, I mean.
“President Oats does not care about eccentric multi-instrumentalists!”
MC5, playing “American Ruse”.
I’m going for a six-hour Cajun/zydeco throwdown. Steve Riley, Keith Frank, Geno Delafose, Curley Taylor and more. It’s full-on American; it keeps Louisiana in the spotlight; it’s multi-ethnic and fun fun fun!
And then, topping the bill? Long, tall Marcia Ball.
Townsman Rick, that is a GREAT idea!