Dear Crabby...
Rock Town Hall welcomes the return of rock concert etiquette expert Dear Crabby. Well-known to concertgoers around the world for the gentle tap on the shoulder she applies before politely notifying overly enthusiastic fans, underappreciated artists, and overworked venue staff of behavior that crosses the line of civil rock behavior, Dear Crabby is an exclusive feature of Rock Town Hall. Today Dear Crabby fields a question about backstage pass behavior and encourages readers to chime in with their own advice and experiences.
Nothing beats live music, but more and more I’m dismayed by acts of impolite behavior among audience members, performers, and venue staff. It’s my mission to bring these acts to light—and to suggest ways in which these individuals might better behave themselves in the future. I welcome the opportunity to field your questions and trade insights and advice on these important matters. After the jump is an offlist message I received from a musician I hold in high esteem. I will invite you to help me counsel him. In the coming months, if you find yourself in need of guidance over matters related to the live music experience, please feel free to write me at my personal e-mail address:
DearCrabby [at] rocktownhall [dot] com
I will ensure your anonymity is preserved during the public discussion that will ensue. Thank you. Now on with today’s letter!
Dear Crabby,
I recently had the pleasure of being invited backstage to meet one of my musical heroes. Following the show I was escorted backstage to a small room with a bar and a catered spread including hoagies, potato salad, raw veggies, cookies and cakes, beer, wine, soda, and water. As a few other lucky fans and I awaited the entrance of our hero, his bandmates encouraged us to take whatever we wanted from their spread. There are few things I enjoy more than a hoagie, but I felt shy about taking anything more than a bottled water. In trying to be extra polite, was it actually rude of me to avoid nibbling on even a carrot stick or cookie?
– Bashful Backstage
Dear Bashful,
Was this fete in Wales, perchance? I would guess that it was not, as the word hoagie most likely reflects a local foodstuff. However, I digress.
As I was saying, I once had the experience in Wales of visiting a family, and upon being offered a slice of delicious-looking apple cake, was later told that it had been very proper of me to accept, as to have turned down their hospitality would have been extremely rude. Silly me! I was hungry and thought the cake looked wonderful. As to your situation, I would say that if you are in for the water, you are in for the carrot stick. It even may have been acceptable to have appreciated some of that hoagie. My reluctance to partake would more likely have reflected my worry to have chosen something that would have spilled on me or my music idol. As long as no spaghetti or cracked crab was being served, I would say take a napkin, a bib, and enjoy the spread!
OK, Townspeople, when you have had a chance to digest Bashful’s plight, please help me counsel him and other fans lucky enough to find themselves backstage and offered open access to the artists’ spread of food and beverages. Thank you.
But Dear Crabby, I really don’t think you would have wanted to join in on the M & M sorting with Van Halen.
IMO: Even when offered, if you are not in the band, then don’t be the guy to take the saran wrap off any part of the spread. You don’t want to put the first divot in the hummus, or take the top hoagie half from atop the pyramid. That’s a band honor.
If the spread has already been compromised, take something with meat. You don’t want an angry vegan bitching about who left all the roast beef, but ate all the carrot sticks.
Not taking a beverage would just show that you believe you don’t belong there. Take a beer. And then, wait for the band to hit the stage before you really go apeshit on their food and cooler.
chickenfrank, after all that beer, would you have any recommendations on band restroom use?
Dear, I was one of those M&M sorters in the day. I kept a plastic-lined pocketbook for the purpose.
Clearly this little room was more of a reception room rather than the artists “make up room”. All the good stuff (caviar, Cristal, etc) would be reserved for the artist and not the riff raff. So I don’t think you would be looked upon with disdain for a little noshing.
Besides, it’s the venue that’s paying for the rider. So it’s on their tab.
And don’t feel so bad, rock stars are slobs anyways.
I think many bands would agree that acceptable reasons for guests to use the backstage restroom include going #1 (especially if you are a woman), having sex (that will be a great story in their tour diary), or doing a quick line off of the toilet tank top.
Big mistake to take a deuce regardless of how much hummus you ate.
To me the problem with the scenario described above is that Bashful was ” invited backstage to meet one of my musical heroes.” Do you really want to be holding a hoagie and a broccoli floret when said Rock God makes his entrance and it’s time to shake hands? If your mouth is full how are you going to explain that you alone truly understand the depth of his lyrics? I think not.
Good point; however, what if Bashful’s hero was Leslie West?