Jul 282008
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You ever see any of the Matt Helm movies? It occurred to me the other day how perfectly simple the Hollywood pitch was for these films: “What if Dean Martin was James Bond?” Let’s make a picture!
If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of a Hollywood pitch, it’s simple: Describe your project in the most succinct and appealing way possible. One trick is to reference previous well known successes.
There are some examples in here:
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Following are a few tracks from a band called The Black Angels. If you were their manager and had to sell them with only words what would your pitch be?
Young Men Dead
Black Grease
Manipulation
Hey Sammy. Great idea. I’ll play along:
What if the Velvet Underground had never existed, and we had been forced to invent them, but we had decided to do it in to ’00s without using any actual talent or uniqueness?
Pretty good BigSteve but remember the mission is to sell them. A simple one word change in your pitch will accomplish that:
Taking Drugs to Make Music to Take Drugs To
Good one berlyant. Kids LOVE the drugs!
“Remember when Mickey Dolenz started wearing love beads and was high all the time? *This* is the solo album he wanted to make!”
Separately, I’d just like to say:
I’ve never seen a picture of this band, but I’m willing to guess that:
– There are no more than four band members
– They all have greasy hair, the majority at shoulder-length
– Two wear glasses
– One usually wears corduroy pants
– All wear bell-bottoms
– Two have beards, one is unshaven to the point he might as well have one
– Their primary publicity shot features them in a natural outdoor setting — a field of poppies, perhaps, or at the edge of a promontory, looking over Topanga Canyon
– The bass player plays one of those Jack Casady semi-acoustic basses, and the drummer prides himself on his minimalist “vintage” kit
– There are no fat people in this band
– There are no shorts or sandals worn in this band
– At least one member wears boots
– At least one member tucks his shirt in so you can see his oversized brass belt-buckle
– One prominently wears jewelry
… now, I’m off to the InterWeb to see how right I was!
Based on their promo shot at the head of the Black Angels site:
– There are no more than four band members
WRONG – Five
– They all have greasy hair, the majority at shoulder-length
MOSTLY RIGHT – One of the dudes seems to have washed his fairly recently
– Two wear glasses
WRONG – None do
– One usually wears corduroy pants
POSSIBLY – Hard to tell in this photo
– All wear bell-bottoms
RIGHT
– Two have beards, one is unshaven to the point he might as well have one
RIGHT
– Their primary publicity shot features them in a natural outdoor setting — a field of poppies, perhaps, or at the edge of a promontory, looking over Topanga Canyon
RIGHT
– The bass player plays one of those Jack Casady semi-acoustic basses, and the drummer prides himself on his minimalist “vintage” kit
MOSTLY WRONG – Jazz bass and minimalist *new* kit
– There are no fat people in this band
RIGHT
– There are no shorts or sandals worn in this band
RIGHT
– At least one member wears boots
RIGHT
– At least one member tucks his shirt in so you can see his oversized brass belt-buckle
WRONG
– One prominently wears jewelry
WRONG
We have an early leader.
Third track wasn’t working. Now it is. Hat tip to the great The Back Office.
You guys are wussies.