Apr 152007
 

Here’s Avril Lavigne performing “Girlfriend” on Saturday Night Live.

Here she is singing her other song.

I’d lay $1,000 on the belief that she’s not singing the first song more than 33% live. I’m on the fence about the second one. The following questions cannot be avoided:

  • Does it matter that she may not be singing? You tell me.
  • What’s funnier, the lip-synching backup singers who look like they were purchased from the CBGB’s gift shop or that Shia LeBeouf’s hairdo?
  • How hard is the backup-singing keyboardist working on the second song? Would you tip him 18% or 20%?
  • Do I win my hypothetical bet?

I look forward to your answers.

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  19 Responses to “Is It Live or Is It Memorex?”

  1. general slocum

    Sadly, Mr. Mod, you can never lose money betting on a belief. Faith-based gambling has never really taken off. However, I believe these entirely forgettable wastes of life’s moments were performed live. Not that shows like SNL wouldn’t go against, say, the title of the show on principle. But mainly because nothing in these songs couldn’t be managed with a moderate throat illness and on any drug shy of a Jim Morrison smorgasbord. Shia LeBeouf? I know not of what you speak. But I would suggest that no, it doesn’t matter to me much. I had thought they were trying to be more on the up and up after that flap about one of the other insubstantial young women who don’t leave an impression. So, I’d gladly take your $1,000 if your belief changes, but the *fact* is, she seems to be singing.

  2. Mr. Moderator

    Whatever you say, General, but don’t let this distract anyone from the more important issues in rock:P I’m sticking with my bet fro now.

  3. boy that second song was rough. Is this supposed to be “punk”? is she faking a british accent in only part of the song?

    on the other hand, I like the bass player’s look.

  4. also, her stage presence really sucks.

  5. Mr. Moderator

    Yes, her stage presence it terrible! Plus she’s got dead fish eyes – the make-up’s a distraction. I have no problem with her youth and tiny build, but can’t she put out a little effort? It’s, like, so whatever.

    But don’t let these comments distract anyone from the real, important issues in rock!

  6. these entirely forgettable wastes of life’s moments

    You took the words right out of my mouth. Ugh. These songs are terrible. I feel like it’s just cheap veneer guitar pastiche and backup on some terribly clumsy lyrics. And those backup singers are… I’m speechless, I don’t even know what to say about those posed backup singers in the teenage abercrombie/hot-topic too-small getup on the one on the right and the other “i don’t even know” high-school art teacher maybe(?) get up on the left one – my bet is on their lipsync-ing 100%;) – does she actually take them on the road for her shows? They could be someone’s mother, and not in a cool way either (cringe-inducing).

    also, her stage presence really sucks.

    agreed!
    Does anyone know if there’s a song on her new album that doesn’t contain “Whatever” and the talk to the hand gesture in at least one verse? A ballad? Anything? Not that I want to hear a ballad from Avril Lavigne, but maybe that would open up a whole new market for her. She’s married to what’s his name in Sum 41 now, right? Shouldn’t he have said something, something along the lines of, “I love you honey, but your new songs suck.”
    I too noticed the keyboardist! If someone could bottle up that guys happiness and sell it, well… I guess I’d pay for that. Ha ha.

  7. Mr. Moderator

    A Townswoman BRINGS IT! Well done. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one disgusted by those backup “singers.” Ugh! I’m disliking these Lavigne performances so much that Gwen Stefani is looking way good in my book! YOu go, Gwen!

  8. hrrundivbakshi

    I can’t believe I can actually chime in on a thread about an SNL performance! I happened to catch one of these songs the other night, and was overwhelmed by a sense of their apocalyptic, it-must-be-the-end-of-the-worl,d manipulative awfulness. A few comments, however, are in order:

    1. I for one thought the awkwardly lumpy backup singer on the right was the real star of the show — she certainly upstaged Avril in every sense of the term. I found myself wondering how much more vital — or at least interesting — the performance would have been if she and Avril had switched places. But, Ms. C, you’re right about her Look. cringe-worthy!

    2. But speaking of Looks — come on, I can’t believe nobody has addressed the bassist’s hair, shades, pout… everything. Townsman Chickenfrank, I *strongly* urge you to review his performance in detail. I hate to say it, but the man could teach you a thing or two about what it takes to really mesmerize the camera’s eye.

    3. I had to laugh/wince at the vast array of stomp-boxes on display on stage, and — most especially — the 14 picks guitarist “B” insisted on taping to his mic stand. Clearly, those were artefacts of rockularity required to get the youth of America to understand that their ASSES were getting KICKED.

    Sheesh.

  9. KingEd

    What temp company do you think the backup singer on the right works for? I’ve got some filing that needs to be done. No rush. Maybe I can time it around Avril’s tour schedule.

  10. sammymaudlin

    I’m not nearly as sure as our Moderator but if had to bet, I’d bet the band was mostly live and she was not. The volume level and the sound on her vocals are studio perfect.

    But again, and I know I’m painting a disturbing picture here- Avril Lavigne gives me an erection. What else matters here? Seriously. That’s what they set out to do and they did it. Mission accomplished. Boys want to bed her and girls want to bed boys like her.

    Her “music and performance” is just a means to this end. We should be discussing the quality of the erections she inspires , not the quality of anything else.

  11. hrrundivbakshi

    Mr. Mod: can we *please* re-title this thread “Sammy Maudlin’s Erection”?

    For the record, she’s pretty much the antithesis of desirability as far as I’m concerned. No thanks!

  12. Mr. Moderator

    Sammy wrote:

    Boys want to bed her and girls want to bed boys like her.

    Brilliant. So it’s like Mick Jagger in reverse.

  13. sammymaudlin

    For the record, she’s pretty much the antithesis of desirability as far as I’m concerned. No thanks!

    Now we’re getting somewhere. She strikes me as a heinous person and her look is ridiculously contrived and her make-up reminds me of the tranny-tutes in south Hollywood.

    Even though I say I want nothing to do with her she knows otherwise and just stares right thru me. She knows that I despise her but also fear her. She knows that she could make me do terrible and humiliating things. Whooops, there it goes again….

  14. Whooops, there it goes again….

    I think you meant “Whoops, I did it again!” Sammy you are cracking me UP! In a very did he really just say that kind of way… 😉

    Boys want to bed her and girls want to bed boys like her.

    The only “boy” that I can think of that reminds me of Avril is Joel Madden (egh… *shivers*) because they wear similar eyeliners and accessories. He gives me the willies…! The conversation takes a turn for the jailbaity-worst: And if Avril makes you hot Sammy, you may as well be picking up the latest Katy Rose while you’re at it too;) Hee hee

  15. I can’t tell yet what I think. My reactions are mostly couched in context.

    Mainly I feel relief that apparently The Greatly Anticipated Third Album isn’t 75 minutes of alternately complaining and self-affirming Now I’m a Serious Artist grunge ballads. The second song’s pretty rough, but why the first one isn’t another in the line of decent pop-rock template work, I dunno.

    There are a number of Rock Crimes going on there, mostly in the backup-singer ranks. I’m sorry to see that Guitarless Avril appears to be the new default. She’s never quite known what to do with herself in that mode.

    But I’ll tell ya from experience – after an endless parade of teen singers with the breathless it’s-so-great-to-be-here-you-guys-are-the-BEST!-I’d-be-nowhere-without-you-I-want-you-all-to-really-really-know-that-now-let’s-all-jump-around-like-we’re-at-home-watching-TRL-and-don’t-forget-my-new-disc-is-on-sale-at-the-merch-tent-did-I-mention-I-LUV-you-guys, Avril’s stage presence is a breath of fresh air.

  16. * Does it matter that she may not be singing? You tell me.
    * What’s funnier, the lip-synching backup singers who look like they were purchased from the CBGB’s gift shop or that Shia LeBeouf’s hairdo?
    * How hard is the backup-singing keyboardist working on the second song? Would you tip him 18% or 20%?
    * Do I win my hypothetical bet?

    1) I can’t tell whether she’s singing or not on the first one, but she could be. I don’t think it matters either way.

    2) I didn’t really spend that much time looking at the backup singers (who did suck), and to those of you guys who were watching the guys in the band, well, how’s it feel to be old and washed up?

    3) I don’t think you’ve won your bet.

    Now, granted that her music is no more than pretty good contemporary prefab pop, I’m with Rick on the comparison to other pop divas of the moment–Avril’s pseudo-punk pop wins my vote for best canned pop star in a while. And while I’m nowhere near WITH Sammy at all, from a great distance away from him I do know exactly what he’s talking about.

  17. general slocum

    Mr. Maudlin ogles:
    Her “music and performance” is just a means to this end. We should be discussing the quality of the erections she inspires , not the quality of anything else.

    I demur:
    She isn’t an *un* attractive girl, but Lord! You can drive past the local high school any afternoon and see eight of those out posing just across the campus line posing with cigarettes. In any case, I did get an erection, but it turns out it wasn’t live.

  18. She isn’t an *un* attractive girl, but Lord! You can drive past the local high school any afternoon and see eight of those out posing just across the campus line posing with cigarettes.

    Well, that’s the point, I think.

  19. sammymaudlin

    You can drive past the local high school any afternoon

    Have you been following me?

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