Apr 162009
 


I saw some preview on TCM last night for a cult classic (I suppose) I’d never heard of, The World’s Greatest Sinner. It looked hilariously bad. I need to hear from Townsman dbuskirk and other filmophiles on the merits of this flick. But that’s only an anticipated byproduct of this thread.

What I’d like to hear about are the most egregious instances of actors who could’t bother to learn to play an instrument (not even a couple of chords) while portraying a musician. Cartoon characters don’t count. We’ve got to cut them a break; they often have but 3 stubby fingers.

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  24 Responses to “Actors Who Couldn’t Bother to Learn to Play an Instrument While Portraying a Musician”

  1. This is somthing that always bugs me. Non-musicians can’t tell

    I know you said cartoons don’t count, but do you think any kid ever electrocuted themeselves after seeing The Beatles Cartoon where they pluged their guitars into the wall sockets instead of amps.

  2. mockcarr

    The best was Gary Oldman acting as bass faker Sid Vicious in Sid and Nancy. He may actually have been playing better unintentionally. However, not bothering to learn it was PART of the role.

  3. I can’t think of a specific film, but often actors will be shot from behind a piano, and they’re clearly just moving their shoulders in time with the music. Drives me nuts.

  4. Mr. Moderator

    Oats, I was trying to find clips of Alan Alda playing piano in The Mephisto Waltz. I wanted to break down whether he had any clue as to how to make chords on the piano, but instead all I could find were clips of Jaqueline Bisset being psychically molested by Satan.

  5. Wow, I just saw The Mephisto Waltz for the first time a few months ago. Bizarre, unintentionally hilarious, and mind-bogglingly stupid. Made me wonder just how many Rosemary’s Baby knockoffs must’ve come out around that time. Good one, Mr. Mod.

  6. Mr. Moderator

    Yes, some station was showing that every other day a couple of months ago. I hadn’t seen it for years myself. I love Rosemary’s Baby and all the “deal with the devil” knockoffs I’ve seen that followed. Glad you dug it, Oats!

  7. You really haven’t lived till you’ve seen Alan Alda play brooding, intense and virile. And Satan.

  8. mockcarr

    Maybe he didn’t learn the harpsichord for Amadeus, but Tom Hulce certainly played his ass off in that film!

  9. dbuskirk

    Wow, I just saw THE MEPHISTO WALTZ for the first time this month after buying it on DVD. I’m game for any ROSEMARY’s BABY knock-off, and there was a lot of them made before they switched over ro EXORCIST knock-offs. I thought Alda did a pretty good job, better than that weed smoker did in REEFER MADNESS.

    Wow, I can’t believe TCM is running THE WORLD’S GREATEST SINNER! It’s thug actor Timothy Carey’s one-off directorial madterpiece. Rockabilly singer turned cult leader who goes by the name God, whatta plot. I think Zappa did some work on the score. I’ve had a low-quality bootleg on VHS for years, I bet the TCM print is much better.

  10. BigSteve

    It looks like The World’s Greatest Sinner is scheduled to show next on 4/18 at 1:15am (central time) on TCM. If it weren’t for the hour (late Friday night/early Saturday morning), I’d suggest live-blogging.

    The best thing is that it’s followed by Let the Good Times Roll, with Chuck, Bo, Fats, etc. Set the recording device of your preference.

  11. BigSteve

    Ed Begley as one of Spinal Tap’s many drummers.

  12. dbuskirk

    LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL has never been on home video, I’ve been waiting to see it ever since I was a kid. Almost makes me sorry I don’t have cable…

    -db

  13. Mr. Moderator

    Damn, Let the Good Times Roll follows?!?! My uncle took me to see that movie in the theater when I was a boy. I can’t speak for its quality today, but at the time I thought it was fantastic! The Jerry Lee-Little Richard showdown at the end blew my little 10-year-old mind! I’m tempted to pull an all-nighter to catch this double-feature.

    db, if I can capture the movie on tape or something I’ll get you a copy. You’d love it. It’s up there with American Grafitti in terms of influence on my notions of The Power and Glory of Rock. The opening sequence is really cool too, if I’m remembering it correctly.

  14. Sean Penn does admirable jazz faces in Sweet and Lowdown, but his fingerwork is lame. But playing as a Django contemporary is a tough challenge anyway.

  15. dbuskirk

    I’d love a VHS tape if such a thing is possible. The director, Sidney Levin went on to direct Jimmy Osmond in THE GREAT BRAIN, a favorite book series of mine as a kid. That Jimmy Osmond vehicle has gone lost to time as well.

  16. I too was a big fan of the Great Brain books. Never got to see the movie adaptation.

  17. BigSteve

    So I watched The World’s Greatest Sinner. It’s definitely interesting. Not really good, but not Plan 9 inept exactly either. Unfortunately the lead character gives up his rock&roll ministry about halfway through to focus on politics. The music scenes are definitely worth a look, and there are riots that look like literally chaotic and dangerous. The Zappa score is barely noticebale, but the bands that appear have a definite Ruben & the Jets vibe. The overall Californianess is a trip, and there’s a fascinating dance club scene with blacks & whites dancing together (in 1962!).

    I had forgotten I’d seen Let the Good Times Roll. It’s an early 70s revival concert. The highlights are Fats, playing with his own band and not the ham-handed house band, Little Richard’s mirrored outfit and overall diva act, and especially Bo Diddley’s legs. If it’s never been released on video I think I know why. The performances are intercut with huge amounts of nosatlgia clips and photos — old TV shows, movies, news footage — that they can’t have cleared the rights for.

    I’m going to have to pay more attention to what’s on TCM. But next up are The Long Goodbye and Thieves Like Us on the DVR, two of the few Altman movies I’ve never managed to see. I finally saw Terence Malick’s Badlands the other night, and that was quite something.

  18. dbuskirk

    Glad to hear a report back on LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL. I have a hunch you’re right on the licensing. On the TWO-LANE BLACKTOP commentary Monte Hellman comments on a scene where the girl walks across a truck stop diner humming “Satisfaction”. “That cost me $30,000,” Hellman sighed. He said he fought of people who wanted to reissue the film years earlier, if only he would cut those expensive seven-or-so seconds.

    THIEVES LIKE US and THE LONG GOODBYE! Saving two of his best for last. I saw them together in the theater at a double-bill in Berkeley in ’92. I love how Gould mumbles all that wonderful tough guy Marlowe dialogue and people just ignore him. Sterling Haden too. Would love to read that Haden autobiography where he talks about kidnapping his children from his ex-wife and sailing with them across the world.

    Another off-the-beaten-track Altman film I like is BUFFALO BILL & THE INDIANS, although the convoluted setting of the traveling Wild West show seems to off-putting for some people I’ve known.

    BADLANDS! You’re killing me. That whole movie is burned into my cerebral cortex; a rare film that truly de-glamorizes violence. People just hold their guts and wait to die.

    I enjoy Lee Marvin and Gene Hackman in PRIME CUT too, which also features that wide-eyed thing Spacek did so well. This time as a child-like young woman raised into a white slavery ring.

    Another recent late sixties film acquisition: THE SHUTTERED ROOM, a proto-STRAW DOGS where Carol Lynley drags hubbie Gig Young back to rural England, where they’re harassed by a gang of young hooligans led by Oliver Reed (I can’t recall the Mod’s stance on Reed but I would think his unfiltered manliness would curry his favor) and Lynley’s crazy sister, who grew up in the attic. I loved this as a ten year old, morbid little freak that I was.

  19. Mr. Moderator

    Big thumbs up to The Long Goodbye, Thieves Like Us, and Badlands! As dbus says, Buffalo Bill & The Indians is an underrated, oddly pitched (even by Altman standards) film. Paul Newman would not fare so well in the one Altman film I’ve found nothing to like, Quintet (I think that’s the title). I’m a big Altman fans, so take my enthusiasm for just about every other movie I’ve seen of his with grain of salt.

    db, I’m glad you mentioned The Shuttered Room. I never know what that movie’s called, and beside Oliver Reed, I can never recall who else was in it. Gig Young now rings a bell. I can’t remember if I know the woman, even with her name, but I saw both that movie and Straw Dogs when I was a kid, like you, in that 10-12 range, when that subject matter starts to mean something. Because both movies were so similar in tone, I figured Susan George must have been in both. Anyhow, now that you’ve cleared up that hazy memory, maybe you can help me with another childhood favorite that I never see on tv these days, some John Garfield movie that took place on a ship that represented purgatory.

  20. Mr. Moderator

    Oh, I always get a kick out of Oliver Reed. His work in Tommy alone cemented his reputation in my book.

  21. dbuskirk

    “some John Garfield movie that took place on a ship that represented purgatory. “

    THE SEA WOLF, with Edward G. Robinson? One of the truly unsung “great” American films, directed by Michael Curtiz. I’m not sure the ship is purgatory but Robinson is the animalistic sea captain who is a fan of Milton, of course bringing up that “Better to serve…” quote.

    Garfield and Ida Lupino are a couple of jailbirds running from their past, so that purgatory metaphor might really work.

    Just saw Garfield at his height tonight, planning a terrorist bombing to free 1933 Cuba in John Huston’s WE WERE STRANGERS. Who knew Jennifer Jones could shoot a machine gun…

  22. Mr. Moderator

    I’ve got to see The Sea Wolf! That promises to be an excellent mano a mano match. I just looked it up. The movie that fascinated me so as a boy and that turned me on to John Garfield is called Between Two Worlds. I have no idea if it’s still good, but I liked it a lot when I used to catch it on tv as a boy. Paul Heinreid and Sydney Greenstreet are two of the other stars.

  23. There is a surprising lack of John Garfield movies available on video. isn’t there?

    I remember watching Body & Soul countless times as a teenager back when they’d pick a movie on Channel 17 or 29 and show it 12 times in a week. Ditto with They Made Me A Criminal. Those two and a few more are all that seem to be available now.

    The Hollywood blacklist well & truly killed his career.

  24. dbuskirk

    I’d thought BODY & SOUL was unavailable. I’m going to have to dig that up, I haven’t seen it in years. I love it when the fight manager tries to win over Garfield’s old world-weary mother. “Don’t you want to be rich?” he asks. “Why do I want to be rich? I’m already good looking.”

    Never caught up with BETWEEN TWO WORLDS. Funny quote from it on TCM:

    Garfield: I read a great epitaph once, I’m gonna steal it for myself.

    Scrubby: Sir?

    Garfield: Here lies Prior, died a bachelor. Wifeless. Childless. Wish his father’d died the same…

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