I’ve spent a lot of time lurking, learning, trying to get a feel of how it works around here. First, allow me to applaud the lot of you. How do y’all come up with this “stuff?” I was reading Mr. Moderator’s post from last week about Lou Reed‘s “Satellite of Love” and how the structure “draws me in,” sumthin’ er rather. It’s fine post indeed, with all the usual expected metaphors and topical references, and the humor of course.

Look, I don’t care for Lou Reed… OK? I mean, don’t really know much about the guy either, admittedly. “And the colored girls sing…,” Velvet Underground, that’s it. I don’t much like his music or how he looks or the way he doesn’t really sing sing. I’m not interested in past or his future, his place in history or who he influences, and so on. I’m not mad him either, but it all just seems a little half-assed to me. I don’t think I’ve ever even met a Lou Reed fan.

But whatever… I was going to read the thread anyway, I knew that much, but probably wasn’t going to comment and almost assuredly, wasn’t going to watch any of the posted videos until… Mr. Mod said, “I am always turned on, however, when the band kicks into the Power Rock ending and Lou starts hopping about and making his First-Big-Boy-Goes-Poopy-on-the-Potty faces.” Poopy faces!? I can watch anything for poopy faces. So I did. I clicked on the live footage of “Satellite of Love.” Big Mistake. I should’ve known better.

I’d like to officially add, “I don’t like the way Lou Reed strums his guitar” to my list. And I don’t appreciate for how he holds a pick either. It’s just uncalled for. Can you act like you’ve done this before Lou? It’s unacceptable for someone of his apparent stature and fame to stare at his instrument like that, all rigid in the elbow, making sure he’s fingering chords just right. Sure didn’t sound like it. “1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and,” good Lou. I don’t know how much of a rock star he’s supposed to be, but… well, is the out-of-tune guitar thing part his show too? Vincent Price!

So I missed out on the poopy faces.