Little-known fact (at least for casual visitors to the Hall): One of the rock nerd community’s never-ending insider conversations revolves around which rocker would be most entrusted to grill a steak. In the right—or wrong, depending on how you look at it—circles, it’s a question that is sure to spark heated debate. Disagreements over this issue are typically so intense that the discussion has never been broached in a public forum before. For the first time ever, Rock Town Hall pulls back the curtain on this topic and encourages Townspeople to play out this topic for all to see.
What rocker would you most entrust to grill your steak?
Years ago a similar debate raged over which rocker would be most entrusted to prepare sushi, but near-unanimous agreement was reached as soon as the first rock nerd suggested Brian Eno. When the discussion turns back to rockers entrusted to grilling a steak, however, agreement is not in sight over even obvious rockers who might be considered trustworthy steak grillers, such as Ted Nugent or Midnight Oil’s Peter Garrett. “What about Roxy Music’s Paul Thompson?” some mouth breather is sure to exclaim.
What about Paul Thompson, or Nugent or Garrett, for that matter? Do you have a rocker ready to enter the squared circle, ready to take on any one of these grill masters? Bring it on!
I’m not much of a fan, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Sammy Hagar can rock a grill. Plus, he’s got the whole tequila thing going, so you know there’d be some drinks too.
My first thought was Johnny Cash (death notwithstanding). He grew up in hard times so would be careful around a steak. However, if he was drinking and using whathaveyou, he might not watch the flame and burn the darn thing. “Ring of Fire” does suggest that he may know his way around a webber grill.
I’ll bet Jimmy Buffett knows how to do up a steak right, along with some grilled seafood, drinks, and some sinsemilla just to whet the appetites.
Either Morrissey or Chrissie Hynde.
Mick Jones
from Foreigner, not The Clash!
Nice!
Springsteen and Chris Isaak both seem like they’d know their way around a grill.
I was going to nominate Paul McCartney, I assume I’ve stumbled across the veggie contingent?
Arthur Brown
Best one yet!
The guys from ZZ Top.
Rob Halford
I’m not too sure about Bruce – he’s a New Jersey city boy. I’ll bet he can find you the best Philly cheesesteak sub or pizza, but actually grilling a steak? I have no argument about Chris .
No, The Boss, for all his wonders, cannot help in matters of the cheesesteak. He’s outside the Philadelphia radius. Once you’re north of Trenton you can’t count on getting a decent cheesesteak or hoagie. Even as far north as Trenton is sketchy. Sorry, but matters of cheesesteaks (no “Philly” modifier, please – and definitely no “sandwich” tacked on at the end, as the Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives host referred to it last night) are must be monitored by natives.
All that said, I do see Bruce as more of a grilled fish type these days.
Definitely, they raised cattle on stage!
Ugh! Are you kidding me? Jimmy’s drinks would be over-sweet (and colored blue), his appetizers fried and shoved under a heat lamp — and his steaks ruined with bullshit “jerk” seasoning.
Good point – and he’d trim my steak with all sorts of trendy things, like mango!
I bet Tom Jones knows his way around a grill. He’s refined enough to appreciate the intrinsic value of a finely marbled slab of beef, sensitive enough to know when something has reached the peak of seared perfection, and manly enough to know that you don’t skimp on the steak when you’re making a steak dinner.
HVB, I’m COUNTING on you to suggest a rocker-grillmaster around whom we might finally unite. I imagine you are assessing the likes of Jimmy Vaughn and Phil Rudd.
Exactly.
I need a ruling here: Meat Loaf recently received specialized training in steak grilling from Certified Grillmasters at Omaha Steaks in the most recent season of Celebrity Apprentice. Does this disqualify him from competing? If not, I think he has to win this in a walk based a combo of his special training, his Texas lineage, the implications of his build and the fact that, among all rockers, only his wikipedia entry has a “For the prepared food, see…” redirect at the top.
Temporarily removing the Loaf from play, I was inclined to think this might be a competition in which those who engage in Prock might flourish. You want someone who relishes the preparation and keeps a close eye over the process. A guy like Todd Rundgren would have a special rub ready to go and know exactly how to cook that steak, but alas, I’m prett sure Rundgren is a vegatarian, so he’s out. Similarly, I gotta throw Andy Partridge – a guy who would have the technical know-how and attention to detail – out of competition because I don’t trust his English palate to do this uniquely American art.
Throwing out the suggestions Dusty and Billy because I don’t want that beard hair on my steak, and the danger that their beards will catch on fire from the grill. Frank Beard is still in the ring, though.
Throwing out Arthur Brown, he’s too concerned with the sizzle and not the steak.
Jimmy Buffett and The Red Rocker, Sammy Hagar, are tremendous contenders, though. Sammy probably has some kind of weird tequila-based rub that doesn’t sound appetizing at first, but would surprisingly deliver. His recipe is probably called “Mas Steaquila”.
My contenders:
-Lead Belly: The right combo of Texas and Louisiana in his background, did some time in prison so you know he relished the taste of good food when he got out and with a name like Lead Belly, you know he put down a good steak or two in his day.
-Bill Haley: Some time ago, we talked about what Bill Haley’s contributions to the creation of rock ‘n roll were and I walked away from that thinking that he invented the tempo of rock. Bill Haley was a big man who surely enjoyed a fine steak in his day, and his unique skills as a rocker would translate into making sure your steak spent the exact right amount of time being cooked on each side.
-The Big Bopper: Another Texan and another big man who no doubt put in some time around a BBQ grill. I worry about his quality control – he’d probably just throw any old piece of meat on the grill regardless of the cut, so I’d have to be sure I was selecting the steak – but he is the rocker most likely to have “huge novelty steak you have to eat all of to get your meal for free” named after him, so he at least has to be mentioned. On the other hand, I feel bad for brining up the Bopper in any discussion of rock musicians that involves sizzling flesh.
Side question: Who grills the better steak, Bo Diddley or Buddy Holly, and does Buddy just steal Bo’s recipie?
Well, Jimmy is a FINE choice — but he seems a bit too laid back to really obsess over his steak. Phil Rudd is a truly inspired grilling dark horse… but he’s from Australia. Those guys are too cavalier with their whole “barbie” thing. No, I think our perfect rocker/grillmaster needs to be a native (or adopted, as in the case of Sir Tom) American. I’d offer up a French foodie, but a.) those guys pan-fry their meat; and b.) they suck at rock and roll.
The late Rob Grill.
A lot of excellent suggestions. Alexmagic in particular makes a very compelling case for the Big Bopper.
I notice a lot of Texans are getting the nod which made me think that the Reverend Horton Heat might be able to grill up a fantastic steak. As evidence, I offer the following: I’ve only read one article about him, and that interview took place in a steakhouse (possibly Peter Luger’s).
Speaking of Texans, surely someone in Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys could deliver the goods. Just look at these guys: http://www.texasplayboys.net/
Also, I think the motor city is being given the short shrift here. Maybe Seger’s steak might just be “not bad…” rather than great, but are you going to tell me that Kid Rock doesn’t know his way around a grill? And there had to be someone in the MC5 and the original line up of Alice Cooper who’s worthy of consideration. Not Iggy, though. He seems more like a carpaccio man.
Okay, I didn’t realize this but Reverend Horton Heat actually has a song called Eat Steak. I’ll take that belt now. But I’ll leave it undone on account of I’m kinda full.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQynViAF6Ds
Eat steak, eat steak
eat a big ol’ steer
Eat steak, eat steak do we have one dear?
Eat beef, eat beef
it’s a mighty good food
It’s a grade A meal when I’m in the mood.
Cowpokes’ll come from a near and far
When you throw a few rib-eyes on the fire
Roberto Duran ate two before a fight
‘Cause it gave a lot of mighty men a lot of mighty might
Eat meat, eat meat, filet mignon
Eat meat, eat meat, ear it all day long
Eat a few T-bones till you get your fill
Eat a new york cut, hot off the grill
And so on and so forth…
No way on the Rev! That guy would be one of those dudes who invites you over for a cookout, then spends all his time getting drunk and not paying attention to the meat on the flame. You’d end up with raw steaks on the plate — the fire would be too hot and he’d throw them down for a split second, sear the outside, forget how long they’d been on there, think they were done because of the way they looked, and… WHERE’S MY GODDAMN BEER AT?
I’d be really worried about the “rub” any member of the MC5 might use. And Tyner might just pull a blow torch on my steak. Good point about Seger, but he’s more the guy I’d want grilling my burger.
hrrundi, I’m COUNTING on you to at least consider one of your Japanese rockers. They’ve got to know the proper grilling techniques for their fancy-ass Kobe beef, no?
I don’t know about Texans. They like their meat barbecued, not grilled.
Van Halen’s Michael Anthony. He’s definitely spent some time in front of the grill, he has his own hot sauce company, has an endorsement deal with Jack Daniels (for marinade and for beverage) He will show up on time and is used to taking criticisms from Eddie Van Halen. He also has plenty of time to get the steak right, since Chickefoot only have 5 dates on their tour while they wait for Chad Smith to finish the Chilli Peppers tour before they go back on the road.
What Buffett dishes out in his restaurant chains and serves up at his own shindigs are two entirely different things.
Yeah, I guess you’re right about the Reverend. Even if he was paying attention, he seems like one of those”Just knock the horns off and wipe its ass” kind of guys.
That’s a really good suggestion, jungleland2! Perhaps Michael Anthony will be the rocker around whom we entrust our grilled steaks. Let’s see if Townspeople agree.
I can’t support Michael Anthony, for two reasons. First, the man’s made his bones with his background work, providing steady bass and key backing vocals. If we’re choosing a sous chef or one of those people who do all the work in the background on those competitive cooking shows, Michael Anthony is your man, but as the top guy? I’d like to see a Michael Anthony solo project before I hand him the apron.
That brings me to point #2: the hot sauce issue. As you point out, he’s got his own signature line of them. He has or had (probably dropped it now since he has his own brand to worry about) a Tabasco Sauce Bottle Bass. No way I trust him alone with my steak, he’s gonna go nuclear with that thing.
Sammy is still the man to beat from VH and no one has voiced any concerns about him yet. He’s got the lead experience to be confident with the grill, but years of being beaten down by the Van Halen brothers and Diamond Dave means he’ll actually listen when you tell him how you want it cooked.
I don’t know about Sammy. There’s something a little too “eager to please” about him. I don’t need someone standing over my shoulder going, “Well? Huh? Didn’t I tell you? It’s great, right?” with every bite that I take. Plus, he’s a little too So Cal. I expect that same sort of mango chutney issues that plagued Jimmy Buffet might crop up here.
I like your Frank Beard suggestion better. Grilling is more of a science than an art, and that guy is steadfast and methodical. He has the ‘stache. If someone has a non-ironic moustache, you bear the burden of proving that he isn’t superb at the grill. His confidence, amply demonstrated by the fact that he forsook his name sake and refused to grow the beard, will come in handy if there are any flare ups during the grilling.
Chuck Berry could BBQ really well and tell you stories about eating P—Y in the old days!
I’m surprised Kris Kristofferson hasn’t come up yet. He’s a man’s man. He’s shown the ability to do a little bit of everything in this business. He’s a Rhodes Scholar, for cryin’ out loud. And he’s the voice of those Beef Council, or whatever it’s called, ads. Kristofferson is multi-untalented, for sure, but I think this may be his calling.
Or how about Fogerty? He’d be a real crank about it – you couldn’t hang with him, he’d have to use his own grill, he’d cook it the way a steak is meant to be cooked, etc – but I bet the man would deliver the goods. No frills, no mango chutney, no “special rubs,” none of that shit. Just meat and heat. I think I am entrusting my steak to John Fogerty.
Hank Williams Jr. has lots a free time, and bet he’s grilled up some steaks for his rowdy friends. Just don’t bring up politics!
multi-talented? He does a lot of things but none of them particularly well. But if you want an Outback level steak, by all means be my guest.
That just made me laugh but I think you’re onto something.
I would NOT trust my steak to:
Ray Davies
Steve Vai
Michael Jackson
Prince
Roy Wood
Bjork
I WOULD trust my steak to:
Bo Diddley
Jerry Lee Lewis
Barry White
Joe Tex
Leslie West
Looking over my list, I have to say I’m ordering Tom Jones to the showers and bringing my true People’s Grilling Champion to the squared circle — that man being:
Joe Tex.
I can’t imagine anybody possessing the food-friendly joie de vivre — as well as the unassailable, though undoubtedly down-home, good taste that I think Joe Tex would bring to the grill. He’s my man for the Rock Grill. Put that man in a chef’s hat and step back!
Tex is a good one, but will he get distracted by any pretty woman within range of the grill?
I’m sensing a surge in support for Fogerty!
I suggested Hagar partially because I saw him once on a home improvement show and he was remarkably handy and affable.
But I’ll make a really left field suggestion – since nobody seems to have objected to deceased people being nominated, I’ll put out Robert Quine. I think his minimal approach to guitar playing and effects would bode well for a ‘heat’n’meat” grilling, and the arc of his playing suggests that he would know how to time a steak, not too fast, not too hot.
Uh, can I have the Sir Douglas Sirloin medium rare, and my friend would like the Levon Helmburger well done please
OK, I’ve been thinking about this, and I’ve got one beef (no pun intended) with Meat Loaf: I’m afraid he’d eat my steak.
I think Bill Haley is a brilliant suggestion, if not for grilling my steak then for making me a heaping breakfast plate of a diner classic, like Shit on a Shingle.
Greg Norton of Husker Du became a restaurateur (see bottom of article for a review http://www.citypages.com/2009-04-15/restaurants/harbor-view-cafe-norton-s-and-nosh-are-great-road-trip-restaurants/2/) plus Steve Albini is now has a food blog (http://eater.com/archives/2011/05/13/steve-albinis-food-blog.php) but I wouldn’t trust him with anything I value.
Best suggestion elsewhere in the thread is Joe Tex.
I don’t know if Wendy Rene can grill a steak, but I want her advice on restaurants if I get to Memphis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drn7Q8Grb_s
I think we have a definitional problem. To me barbecue and grilled steak are completely different things. Maybe north of the Mason-Dixon Line this is unclear. Go to any authentic barbecue joint, and you will not find steak on the menu.
I don’t know what he looks like today, but Albini weighed about 14 lb when we crossed paths in college. Unless he’s put on some muscle mass I wouldn’t trust him to lift my steak onto the grill. On the other hand, if he could get it onto the grill, following his no-frills recording aesthetic, he probably would abide by meat-and-heat guidelines.
I hear you – and definitely need some education on the matter. I’ve never been a barbeque guy. I don’t like getting my fingers sticky (no coincidence that’s the only classic Stones album I don’t own?). A couple of years ago a neighbor who’s way into BBQ made us some kind of dry ribs. They were excellent. It was like eating beef jerky off the bone! Anyhow, I am aware that grilling steak is different than BBQ. My wife, who’s not even a big fan of red meat, grills an amazing steak, using a no-frills method. She, despite loving rock ‘n roll, is not a rocker. That’s why I cannot nominate her as the rocker most trusted to grill my steak.
Nice!
I checked out his blog and I’m going with Albini. Here’s his entry on steak: http://mariobatalivoice.blogspot.com/2011/07/fuck-it-im-fixing-steak.html
That’s the right way to cook a steak. It only takes a minute or two.
I want a guy that looks like he eats steak as part of his normal diet cooking mine. None of this “Red meat is for special occasions” bullshit. I want a guy that had one just the other day, and just the other day before that. I want a guy that thinks a steahhouse menu is varied. “Hmmmm….ribeye?…..Prime rib?….NY Strip?…………Big assed sirloin?…………….Porterhouse cut to my specs?………….Filet Mignon for an appetizer? I’ll take the Caesar salad with marinated sirloin strips, the big bone in ribeye and a baked sweet potato with cinnamon butter. And a tall Yuengling Black and Tan.”
That’s the guy I want. That guy isn’t gonna screw up a steak. That guy has got to be Leslie West or Randy Bachman.
I’ll defer to Steve because I’m about as much of a northerner as you can get, but my understanding was that Texas BBQ differs from the traditional southern BBQ in that beef gets a lead role in things, and that by nature of the cattle business, a Texan knows how to use a steak. That’s why I specifically targeted Texas as a potential steak-rock holy ground.
On that note, some more contenders:
Sam the Sham: Another Texan, a guy who looked like he might have cared about steak and a guy who did one thing and did it right, over and over again, which could translate into no-frills mastery of the grill. Also, Sam’s turban acts as a built-in hairnet, thus avoiding the problems Dusty and Billy raised earlier.
Buddy Holly: I mentioned him earlier, but in addition to his Texan blood, there are legions of Buddy Holly fans out there who will tell anyone who listens that if Buddy hadn’t died, he was maybe one or two years away from inventing all the culinary breakthroughs that the industry has since enjoyed. If Buddy makes it to 1962, odds are molecular gastronomy is created 30 years earlier.
West, like Meatloaf, might eat your steak before it reaches the table, but Randy Bachman is an intriguing choice. I’m hoping our Canadian correspondents, Cliff Sovinsanity and Nothvancoveman, can check in to verify Canadian grilling capabilities. I don’t want us to get into some other form of BBQ vs grilling confusion that we got into before blurring the lines by not consulting with our correspondents south of the Mason-Dixon line.
The Albini suggestion made me reconsider Chicago as a likely home for our rocking steak griller. The city is associated with beef because of its stockyards. It’s a place where tailgating is culturally important, a meat and potatoes kind of place. People in colder climates may have a shorter period of the year when they can pursue outdoor activities like backyard grilling, but that often means that they’re even fiercer about enjoying it while they can.
So I’m going to suggest either that guy from Red Red Meat/Califone or, going suburban, Bun E Carlos. There are also lots of bands there like Naked Raygun and Disturbed that sound pretty carnivorous.
How about Big Al from NRBBQ?
Oooh, that’s a really good one, if you ask me. To me, he’s the John Candy of rock, and I’d trust Candy with my steak.
That is funny my friend.
I’ve had some swell steaks in Canada. No crappy mangoes or limes anywhere near them. I like Canada!
Oh, thank goodness. I thought for a sec you were going to suggest the band Chicago.
How about John Cusack? I’d trust him to grill my steak anytime.
Thumbs up – Isaac Hayes, as he’s the Chef.
Thumbs down – Whitesnake.
Boy, the threads I miss out on if I don’t check in here regularly……