In a recent post, Mr. Mod bemoaned the fact that no chicks — sorry, “womyn” — are posting in these hallowed halls. Could it be because rock and roll is pretty much idiotic when it comes to its relationship with the fairer — sorry, “fiercer” — sex? I think this is something that deserves further exploration. But let’s not get all tweedy and pipe-tamping about it, okay? Just post your favorite rock pick-up lines in this space.
Moddie would probably appreciate a few lines that might actually work as panty-peeler — sorry, that might help prove that rock and roll really understands, loves, and respects women — but speaking for myself, I’d prefer to hear your worst. Ted Nugent‘s “My Love Is Like a Tire Iron” springs to mind. You’ll find this gold in song titles, for sure, but for extra credit, give us some lyrical snippets that you think prove the case that rock music is a.) going home lucky; or b.) doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell with the ladies.
I look forward to your responses.
HVB
“Barrier Reef” by the Old 97’s (a band with a fair amount of female fans) is maybe my favorite one-night stand song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ9XgWmlf3o
The story it tells is both sexy and pathetic.
Lyrics: http://tinyurl.com/aub9lr
In particular, I’ll highlight the lines that we’d like to think would work in a real-world situation, but never, ever would:
I actually think “Let’s Stay In (And Make Love)” from Nick Lowe’s “The Convincer” is a song that would succeed in staying in and making love.
I am proven right! Check out the excellent interpretation of Lowe’s “Let’s Stay in and Make Love” at:
http://thesonginmyheadtoday.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html
Note: this is written by a GURL!
How about Sparks’ “Here Comes Bob,” a song about a guy who stages car accidents with pretty women so he can meet them?
Does anyone ever fall for the third-party pick-up line that love songs promise to offer? Has anyone ever turned on a prospective partner by spinning just the right record or making just the right mix tape? I don’t think it’s ever worked for me. I’ve picked up some rock nerd friends for life through these practices, but I can’t recall ever impressing a love interest with my exquisitely chosen borrowed pick-up lines. I realize we’re about to enter the point of Real Human Emotion, so I hope our female readers will take note.
Mr Mod wrote:
Actually, no. You’re talking about the mixtape, the instrument you would use to get the R.H.E. We might want to hear what you put on the tape, but please do not tell us about how you felt when you played it for her and the various emotional changes you went through after it failed. We just want to know the songs. And the running order, preferably with the length of each each track expressed in x:xx format, and whether you crossfaded.
I was going to say Ian Dury’s Wake Up and Make Love With Me, but that lyric sort of presumes that you’ve already scored, since she’s sleeping next to you. Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick, then, which is an invitation to dance and a little more than dance, I think.
Oh Moddy, There ARE NO female readers.
To answer your question, yes, I have made mix-tapes that proved to be panty-moisteners, & I wasn’t particularly TRYING to do so, it just kind of worked out that way. I’m not saying the tapes made the gals want to git wit me, but rather that they proved to be the icing on the ladies in question’s already brewing interest in me.
On the initial question of rock pick-up lines, I like, “You’re pretty good lookin’ for a girl” from The White Stripes’ song of the same name.
Oh yeah, one time I was out on the town with a wonderful, beautiful, caring lady, and, in response to something I had said, she said, “You’re Bad!” in that teasing kinda way that they do. I replied, “Yeah, but I’m good bad, not evil”, a line, of course, from The Shangri-las. The lady in question immediately pulled me in and started kissing me like she wanted to swallow my face. Ah, those were the days.
Excuse me now, I’ve got to go suck on the business end of a 9mm automatic.
I’m not talking ’bout movin’ in/And I don’t want to change your life/but there’s a warm wind blowin’ the stars around/and I’d really love to see you tonight.
See, he’s trying to make clear to her that he’s a sensitive guy who understands her desire for freedom, which will make this particular night so special before he heads on his way.
If anyone has ever said it, uh, better, I’m not aware of it.
mwall, Are you wearing a lime green leisure suit right now?
Big Joe Turner, from “Shake Rattle and Roll”
“Way you wear those dresses, the sun comes shinin’ through
I can’t believe my eyes, all that mess belongs to you”
I think you really have to shout it though, in order to make the line’s magic work with the ladies.
The Boss knew how to treat a lady with class: “You ain’t a beauty, but hey, you’re all right, oh and that’s all right with me.”
How could a line like that not kill?
I live in SoCal these days, Bobby. The lime green suit has NEVER gone out of style around these parts. But I myself don’t own one.
mwall, Whaddaya, living in a retirement village or somethin’?
I guess that would make sense if they’re playing “I Really Want To See You Tonight” around yr neck of the woods. Who the hell recorded that masterpiece, anyway? I’m drawing a blank.
The Raspberries “If you think what we’re doing is right, close your eyes and be still” Creepy…
“If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with”
–Stephen “Mr. Sensitive” Stills
Simple is the best — “Come go with me,” the Del Vikings
The first song to come to my mind is:
Pink Floyd’s understated drunk fuck tale, “Stay,” whose first verse is filled with romantic cliches…
“Stay and help me to end the day.
And if you don’t mind,
We’ll break a bottle of wine.
Stick around and maybe we’ll put one down,
cause I wanna find what lies behind those eyes.
Midnight blue burning gold.
A yellow moon is growing cold.”
…which, in combination with a bottle of wine, apparently worked a little too well:
“I rise, looking through my morning eyes,
Surprised to find you by my side.
Rack my brain to try to remember your name
To find the words to tell you good-bye….”
I have always lived in fear of the Captain and Tenille’s: ‘Do it to me one more time, once is never enough with a man like you’.
What exactly is the lady saying about the guy in the sailor’s cap?
I don’t know if this exactly fits, but I like the line “I’ll make move moves than Allied Van Lines” in Blotto’s “I Wanna Be A Lifeguard”.
Oops, that should be “I’ll make more moves than Allied Van Lines”
I was nervous before a date with a girl i really liked from high school. My buddy Mike said if I put on Led Zeppelin 4, it would all come together for me. I only had Physical Graffitti but we ended up making out in her bedroom anyway but i had to leave and get my sister’s car home.
This isn’t rock, but it is a question I’d like answered: “So I’ll sing you to sleep, after the lovin'” – Engelbert Humperdinck…musical pick-up line or musical threat?
Sahwnkilroy said:
I was nervous before a date with a girl i really liked from high school. My buddy Mike said if I put on Led Zeppelin 4, it would all come together for me.
I say:
This has got to be one of the greatest examples of the cycle of romantic cluelessness that rock helps perpetuate. To begin with, I cannot think of a single moment on that album that isn’t basically an opportunity to shine the spotlight on Led Zeppelin’s grapefruit-sized balls. Here’s something I’m pretty sure about: focusing attention on the size of your balls while you’re chattin’ up the ladies doesn’t get you laid — I’m certain E. Pluribus will back me up on that one. And the notion that any dude would attribute the moment when his girlfriend finally whispered “yes” to the album that was spinning downstairs while his roommates were firing up the skull-bong is idiotic. (But what else is new?)
Still, us clueless dudes (well, save for the suave and debonair Gergley) have to find that elusive cause-and-effect, A+B=C, insert-toggle-bolt-into-aluminum-case-housing moment that dispels the great Yonic mystery. And women are complicit partners in this charade! I’m betting there are hordes of women who are all too happy to *not* have to admit they just felt horny, and that your buddy Mike was hanging around, filling out the right pair of faded blue jeans at the right moment. It was Led Zeppelin’s fault — they were swept off their feet by the mighty rock majesty of “Misty Mountain Hop”!
Hey Bobbby, you should get out of that east coast bubble a bit more. It turns out that in California, there are actually several people who still work for a living. I’m one of them, sadly.
In all seriousness though, the tune I mentioned is an England Dan and John Ford Coley classic, one that played on east coast radio all through my teenage and college years. I’ve only heard it occasionally in the years since, but some scars are too deep to ever entirely heal.
Thanks mwall, it’s all coming back to me now, unfortunately. Yeah, much like ‘Havin’ My Baby’, that IS a song that’ll scar you for life. Also, that was a good one about the “East Coast bubble”, esp. coming from a guy living in “the land of fruits & nuts”, as Archie Bunker once put it. Jeez, now my references are getting as dated as that song choice of yours!
mikeydread, I heard The Captain used to be nicknamed Captain Wadd when he was touring with the Beach Boys, if that tells you anything. Once he got up from behind that keyboard & the ladies got an eyeful, it was sloppy seconds for the rest of the guys onstage. Except for Mike Love, whose entire being constitutes a huge dick.
I lied about that thing earlier. It didn’t happen to me, it happened to Mark Ratner from the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Speaking of Patti Smith, what’s that song where she blurts out “I want to BE you.” I always thought that would make a great pick-up line.
I think it’s called, “Staring At The Mirror”. It’s the B-Side to a limited run (17 copies), Czech-only pressing of a 10″, 16rpm dance remix of “Piss Factory” on manila paper colored vinyl.
Also, to BigSteve’s claim that “simple is the best” I’m just gonna go ahead and toss out GG Allin & The Murder Junkies’ timeless romantic classic, “Suck My Ass, It Smells” off the truly one of a kind concept LP, “Freaks, Faggots, Drunks, & Junkies”. Right up there w/that Zep LP & “I Want To Make It With You” by,…uh, you know, that guy from the ’70s who did that song that I, uh, just mentioned there…, as an All TIME, TOP TEN PANTY PEELER! Women immediately begin to disrobe & become moist, or vice versa, upon it’s dulcet tones caressing their cochlea. It never fails, dudes!
No women visit Rock Town Hall ya say?
…huh.
What? Are you actually telling me that the women you know would find the joke above offensive to their delicate sensibilities? If so, I would say you’re hanging with a pretty weak, lame bunch of women.
The whole point is, if you read the previous posts on this thread, that I’m agreeing with bakshi’s assertion of the ridiculous notion that a song, or set of songs would be the KEY to winning over a woman’s affections, would MAKE her want you. If someone’s into you, they’ll find a reason in SOMETHING you do or say to make a move or give you the signals to make a move. And I’m agreeing w/a guy who as much as called me a liar on the “Hey Ladies” thread.
I was just exaggerating that idea for what I thought was comic effect, but if I have to explain myself, obviously the joke ain’t going over.
Really sorry if I offended all those strong, independent 21st Century women readers out there with my crude language…Get a spine, you delicate little flowers, you (feh)!!!
AND I KILL OFF YET ANOTHER THREAD!!!MMMWWWAAHHAHAHAHA! Everything is going EXACTLY to plan…..