May 102013
At times of turmoil and change (or just a crappy work week), it can be good to know that there are some definitive answers to life’s musical questions. I would like to thank Roz Chast for proposing the first 3 in a recent New Yorker cartoon:
- Nan McGillicuddy let the dogs out.
- The flowers all went to Passaic.
- We can’t do it in the road because it just got paved.
I did some research and consultation, and was able to determine 3 additional Final Answers:
- No, I’ve never been mellow.
- Peace, love and understanding aren’t funny at all.
- The rain will stop by itself.
What other Final Answers do you have?
No, I do not know the way to San Jose.
I will see you again next Tuesday.
We can’t be friends because you’re a big jerk, that’s why.
You cannot mend a broken heart except through costly surgery.
Ooh, good idea! How about:
From DC, you would basically head West on I-70, then I-76, then I-80, and finally I-680. It’s about 2,847 miles from coast to coast, so you’ll want to give yourself a few days.
Or:
“Well, let’s see. earlier today, I washed my face with my paw. Then I chased dust bunnies for a while. I sat down in a sunbeam and purred — and around 4:00, I took a lovely nap. Most of the rest of the time was spent sleeping. Oh, and I took a crap. That’s pretty much what’s up.”
Or:
“Dude, you should totally go.”
These are very helpful.
I just figured out another one:
“Duh, I’m ladymisskirroyale.”
“I think so but it was tough to tell because, you know, she was standing in the shadow and all. By the way, when you get a spare moment, I think I’ve soiled myself again…”
cdm, you’ve stumped me.
You just can’t touch it. It will always remain out of reach. Don’t give up trying, though.
“Have You Seen Your Mother, Baby, Standing in the Shadow?”
Correct!
What’s new pussycat?
“I really don’t know, I really don’t know”
Love me some Buzzcocks!
How about: “The newscaster, when he has a heartwarming story of courage.”
“Well, that’s kind of a metaphysical question, Mr.Morrisey”.
Whoooooooo Are You?
Okay, thanks, this indecision’s bugging me.
Curiosity hasn’t been able to confirm it definitively yet.
! I’m leaving this one to another fellow Smiths appreciator, Big Steve.
Well, yes, actually I do know the way to San Jose since I drive there pretty often.
In the spirit of one of HVB’s earlier entries:
“Yes, from I’ll be heading north up the I280 or the 101 tomorrow evening.”
“Well, it’s the region lateral to the gluteal area. Sometimes called the ‘coxa'”.
Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?
Don’t know much about geography, but from your clue I’ll venture: “Are You Going to San Francisco?”
How Soon Is Now?
Yes, ya do think that I am.
“Yes, and she can do the twist, and the watusi when she’s not chasing mice”.
“No, it’s all just illusions, smoke and mirrors, or slight of hand.”
“Can Your Pussy Do The Dog?”
“Do You Believe in Magic?”
OK, My final answer: “Well, those that have had cardiac problems, eventually recover with exercise and a sensible diet.”
Do Ya Think I’m Sexy? It hurt just typing that turd.
How can you mend a broken heart?
“It’s located in my cranium.”
That works, but not what I was thinking of.
Where is My Mind?
Why no-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oooot?
aloha
LD
Actually no I don’t. No one does because it’s impossible to decipher a goddamned word that comes out of your mouth, Mr. Gallagher.
Or your brother’s for that matter.
aloha
LD
D’you Know What I Mean?
How ’bout this: “I love my wife. Nice tie, though.”
What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?
Aren’t those the actual opening lyrics to “Discotheque”?
aloha
LD
Because there’s not enough liquor on the planet to make me deliriously horny enough to bone you
aloha
LD
nope. The answer quotes directly from the song too. Sonny, you more than most people (except possibly 2kman) should be able to get this.
“Nope, This is actually my first time.”
That one is Why Don’t we Get Drunk and Screw?
Still no idea – hint please?
Correct!
“According to the dictionary, it is ‘an intense feeling of deep affection.'”
D’You Know What I Mean?
I get nothing.
“What Do I Get?”
“I thought I heard something at both my window and my door.”
What Is Love?….baby don’t hurt me….don’t hurt me, no more.
Well, I’m most comfortable on my side with a pillow between my knees. As summer approaches I like the ceiling fan on low and a light blanket. A couple Alleve and the George Harrison/Brian Wilson shuffle on Pandora and I drift right off
aloha
LD
“Can’t You Hear Me Knocking?”
aloha
LD
Not sure, but I’ll guess…
“Have You Ever Been Mellow?”
“It’s very profound, Barry”
Actually, I was thinking of the Deelite version, but that will work.
How Deep Is Your Love?
How Do You Sleep?
This one involves a good knowledge of The Jam’s catalogue.
“Right after work, driving a ’63 Ford.”
Oooh, yes I would! Here, let me move so you can whisper in my ear!
aloha
LD
“It would.”
Do You Want To Know A Secret?
The guy next door was making love to my old lady.
Hard to believe that Mr Hendrix…
It’s the two guys in the patrol car with badges protecting my cerebellum…
“Wouldn’t It Be Nice”?
aloha
LD
Oh? and what were you doing while all that was going on Mr. Taylor?
“Where is My Mind?”
I keep getting that instant hi five
I don’t care if you’re Fred Astaire. I still don’t.
Just Who Is The 5 O’Clock Hero?
Is There Life On Mars? by Bowie
“Do You Love Me?” What about his sister Adele?
Sure I do Ray, but he’s not the guy you’re thinking of, for a start where we smoked cigarettes was nowhere near a garden gate when we were in sixth grade.
Correctamundo.
Immediatamente! Immediatamente! Immediatamente!
aloha
LD
Yes, I believe so, as they are going to the prom together. Your eyes don’t deceive you.
Is She Really Going Out With Him?
aloha
LD
It’s not them I wonder about. It’s the smart people.
“Its popularity diminished as the video game industry quickly advanced and exploded with much more sophisticated games.”
“Because you are you, not me.”
Why Can’t I Be You?
Cuando?Cuando?Cuando?
???
Who’s Making Love?
“In the pines”
roger that!
Nice!
Do You Remember Walter?
OutSTANding get!
aloha
LD
“I’ll say I am, just look at this resume!”
Are You Experienced?
The kind that spends all his money on me while I run around with other guys.
hint?
Who Are The Brain Police?
Deeper than a wishing well ….
How Deep Is Your Love?
Welcome aboard, chassa!