I’ve heard of couples who have agreed to give each other a free pass in the unlikely event he has the opportunity to boink, say, Angelina Jolie, or she gets picked up by George Clooney in a bar. As a sad indicator of my rock nerdiness, I realized the other day that my wife and I do not have such agreement, but that she did say that I could quit my job temporarily and go on tour if Paul Westerberg ever called looking for a guitarist.
So, in an effort to separate the real rock nerds from the guys who were just into this because of some vague (and misguided) notion that it might get them laid, the question is this:
Would you opt for a one-night stand with a celebrity or a chance to sit in with a musical hero? In either case, who would it be?
A few rules:
- It must be a realistic, however farfetched, option, so you can’t sit in with Joe Strummer or hook up with Grace Kelly.
- No doubling up (ie, touring with the Bangles in hopes that you’ll get a shot at Susanna Hoffs).
This is a tough one, cdm. You’ve ruled out my dream studio session with Joe Strummer, in which I convince him to give up the worldly namechecking, which took over his work from Sandinista, and get back to his 101’ers roots. You’ve ruled out my one-night stand with Carole Lombard or Hedy Lamarr. I could suggest a night with Zoey Deschanel (sp?), but then you’d flag me for doubling up. As much as I love them, I don’t know that I’d have that great a time with Nick Lowe or Elvis Costello. I’ll go with Andy Partridge. I think he’d have a lot of energy for collaborating. He’d be big on shooting the breeze. He’d also be unintentionally entertaining.
Neil Finn.
To talk to. Not to Bonk.
C.
Forget the sex, it’s all about the music.
For the glory, it’d be cool to tour with Macca. Just to play those great songs in front of billions of people.
Still, I have a thing about wanting to be in Dylan’s touring band. I know I probably wouldn’t get to hang with him or learn anything new, but to just be able to play in such a tight unit with so many great songs. Plus, I’d get to play every night.
TB
In my dreams Garth Hudson offers to help me record an album in his studio. He’s got the keys and horns covered, I can play guitar and bass, but I’m not that great a drummer, so he offers to get Levon to sit is and also sing harmonies. It all works out so well that we decide to make it an ongoing project, and we call ourselves The Honkies.
Bob Dylan hires me to edit his latest batch of songs, and is well pleased when I present him with a series of bridges and choruses that take his plodding, one-chord musings on life (“… yesterday, and the day BEFORE… found me at the corner STORE… I saw some things I do ABHOR… America had gone to WAR… I asked someone who might know MORE… what the hell we fightin’ FOR…” cue exact same chords, but played a bit louder, with fiddle/organ accompaniment)
… to a whole ‘nother level. He claims in interviews that I’ve brought a real “tin pan alley Americana vibe” to his latest album, adding that he’s “using the Brill Building to Bash Bush-y Bible-ism,” but we both know they’re just better *songs*. The public agrees, and the new album, “POP! Goes Bob Dylan,” hits multi-platinum status in a couple of weeks, leading to a subversive tour of state and county fairs across America’s Red States. I play guitar and sing harmonies ( of which there are many) in the backup band.
Oh, and I get to fire Daniel Lanois and bring on Nick Lowe as the album’s producer, working very carefully to bring this amazing record to life.
I deserve a free pass for that.
HVB
I’ll bang Scarlett Johanson in order to meet Woody Allen
You’re going to use your free pass on Westerberg? Would you use your free sex pass for Katie Couric? Far be it for me to interfere with a man’s fantasy, but I’d think you’d aim higher. Give me someone from the pantheon like Pete Townsand. If I’m aiming lower, the O’Neil brothers from the Undertones. We’d knock out a quick batch of 2 minute classics and drink like proper Irishmen. I could probably boss those little shrimps around, too.
“You’re going to use your free pass on Westerberg? Would you use your free sex pass for Katie Couric? Far be it for me to interfere with a man’s fantasy, but I’d think you’d aim higher.”
How dare you! I wouldn’t bang Katie Couric with Greta Sustern’s dick.
Nope, the only one that I would even consider instead of Paul Westerberg is Tom Waits, however disapointing that is to those of you who are looking forward to signing on with the touring band for Smile.
It woud be a small theater tour in both cases and the theme would be a career retrospective, not a promotional tour for a new album.
Geez. I don’t think of myself as a glass-half-empty guy, but the question reads, in that light, which would fuck with your head more: finding out that Simon Jeffes is a dick to make music with (I know he’s dead. I’m just getting number one out of the way in hypothesis mode), or that Terri Garr isn’t fun in bed. (Yes, even now there aren’t many alive in line ahead of her!)
If it’s relative unfeasability, I could just say I’ve tried to line up a musical jamboree with Mr. Mod for, what, how old is your oldest child? – anyhow for a while. So I don’t have to look far for musical activities requiring hypothetical intervention. All of that said, I think the concept of making music with someone because you like their records is about as good a predictor of fun as sleeping with a celebrity because you like her ass (or his). I mean, a certain amount of “chalk one up for the Margaret Meade-style book experiential narrative is almost guaranteed, but the odds of either being a good match are slim.
Mr Mod: I’ll allow Zoey Deschankjsgk provided you commit to either jamming with or boinking her up front. You can’t have it all.
General: I’m confused, are you interested in jamming with, or boinking Margaret Meade?
General Slocum wrote:
Ha! As I just wrote you offlist, after arriving home from my in-laws’ house, I’ve been thinking a lot about you since posting cdm’s thread! I’m just reading your comment now, and damn if this isn’t one more reason to feel like a schmuck. If only my elusiveness was fueled by something more dramatic than what gets in the way of me completing a number of things I’d like to do with folks. I will make it so. Have you even seen The Next Generation? (Extras reference…)
cdm, the problem with the Zoey choice is that I wouldn’t want to use my nonexistent free pass that my wife and I have never discussed on her. On the other hand, the jamming thing would only be a means to an end. I’ll have to cop to a Cop Out as I take some time to reflect on the majesty of Terri Garr in Young Frankenstein. I just watched that again a few weeks ago for what must be the 20th time. Her Performance in that movie continues to be deeply moving. Nice call, General.
Well, since both would only last about 4 minutes (Hey-o!), I would opt for sitting in (as a Jordanaire) with Elvis Presley circa 1954-55 to see what the buzz was really about.
I’d love to crank up the bass, bring the drummer with, and back up the Who.
And can I PLEASE bang Meg White?