While surfing the web last night, I happened upon this post on ehow.com. I find it amusing for several reasons, but I’ll let you read it for yourself. But I will mention one facet of it I enjoy: That it is specifically aimed at emo bands. Does this mean there are different rules for quitting other kinds of bands? What would be the rules for quitting a heavy metal band? A ska band? A zydeco band?
Here, without further ado, is the sage advice from one “emo” to another:
How to Quit an Emo Band
By an eHow ContributorPlaying in an emo band is a fun endeavor for many emos. Sometimes, things happen that make it necessary for you to quit the band. If you simply find the band boring, it will be easy to quit. If you have to quit because your parents are making you or because of other uncontrollable circumstances, quitting the band will be more difficult.
Difficulty: Easy
Instructions
- Think about your reasons for quitting the emo band. Write out a list of the reasons. Make sure that the reasons you list are your true reasons for wanting to quit the band.
- Decide if there is any way that you can stay in the band. If there is a problem to solve, talk to the other band members to see if you can come to a suitable compromise.
- Talk to the other band members about your reason for quitting the band. Be honest with them.
- Discuss quitting the band with your parents if they are making you quit the band. Find out if you can stay in the band but practice or perform less. If you have to quit because of your grades, find out if you can join again once your grades are up to par.
- Try to stay in the band long enough for the band to find a replacement. If it is possible, help them find a good replacement.
- Consider becoming a stand-in member of the band, if possible. This will give you a chance to perform occasionally. You would have to be available for practices before the performance.
- Support the band by going to shows even after you have quit. Every fan in the audience counts, so it will mean a lot to your former bandmates if they see that you are still there for them.
The fact that this is obviously not a joke makes the suggestions more amazing.
I’d like to imagine some guy announcing he’s quitting a metal band in order to come to terms with his sex addiction.
How To get kicked out of the emo band instead…..
1. Claim that Weezer’s Pinkerton is overreated
2. Wear Ted Nugent T-shirt to rehearsal
3. Suggest matching jumpsuits
4. Write a freesyle rap for your best new song
5. Admit to being a fan of Wings
6. one word “Freebird”
7. F#$% The singers girlfriend/boyfriend
Such nice rules you’ve passed along, cher. jungleland2…not so nice but you funny too!
How to quit a zydeco band:
1. Tell them that le bontemps rolled away long ago.
2. Say that you need the washboard to actually wash clothes.
3. Claim you got a better gig at Preservation Hall.
4. Present a doctor’s note stating that you’re allergic to crawfish.
5. Be honest and tell them you don’t want to toot your toot toot anymore.
6. Accept that ya ya is now nah nah.
7. Support the band by going to shows after you quit, banging spoons together loudly and consuming lots of Abita Blue on the band’s tab.
8. Talk to the band members indirectly by sticking needles into dolls you bought at Marie Laveau’s.
9. Move to Algiers.
10. Force them to fire you by insisting on doing some Genesis covers.
This is a great post, and I’m very impressed with jungleland and cher’s responses.
How To Quit A Band Based in Brooklyn:
1.-10. Move to Manhattan.