Apr 272008
Real simple, one at a time, name something based on empiric data that does not go with rock. It can be a thing, a topic, what have you. Whatever that something is, it must be proven not to go with rock based on real-life examples. For intstance:
Muscles don’t go with rock.
Supermould!
Before you suggest rock-solid Bob Mould, Mould’s best-loved work was made when he was fat and out of shape, not that this exercise is some grand, pathetic rationalization for my own issues…
Champagne does not go with rock. Jazz, certainly. Disco, you betcha. Not rock.
Good one, Great One! Atlanta Rhythm Section’s “Champagne Jam” proves your point.
TV shows about cops do not go with rock.
Political campaigns do not go with rock.
Make-up.
Fine dining does not go with rock. You cannot sing about fancy food (unless it’s an extended metaphor for a cock or something) and drink and still rock. You shouldn’t even discuss it while rock and roll is playing in the background.
I think yoga and rock express fundamentally incompatible values and world views.
Slacks.
Cell phones.
Can one sincerely, unironically rock while wearing a banana hammock?
Golf does not go with rock – I don’t care if Iggy Pop and Alice Cooper play it; it never seems rockin’.
baseball caps
Hm. You know, even as one of those approaching-middle-age men who wears baseball caps in public much of the time — it’s not because I’m balding, although I most definitely am, it’s because I’m Scotch on my father’s side and Irish on my mum’s, and therefore the sun causes me to burst into a six and a half foot tall pillar of fire — I have to agree with that. Baseball caps in the audience, fine. But never baseball caps on stage.
Not even Paul Simon in a baseball cap?:)
Townspeople are listing some good no-nos so far. Here’s one:
Robes do not go with rock. Capes, mantles, and the like? Sure, but not robes.
Paul Simon is the Atlanta Rhythm Section of baseball caps.
My problem is that I’d actually prefer to wear something in more of a fedora style — I have a couple and I look damn good in them — but because 95% of my wardrobe consists of t-shirts and khakis, they’re far too dressy for everyday use. I could potentially get past this by generally dandifying my wardrobe, but geez, I work from home. I’m not putting on a damn suit to walk across the hall.
The outdoors in general. Daylight.
I don’t know, I think Champagne does go with rock – its the most expensive thing that rocker’s can order back up in the hotel room after a show and charge it to the label (ie the rocker. Skynrd said it best “Come upstairs girl, and have a drink of champagne”
Same with make-up -we’ve just wiped Glam off the musical landscape. Maybe that’s not a bad thing but starting with Little Richard – make-up has played a big part in rock
I’d say gutarists who sit down while playing live is not rock
J.R.R. Tolkien
Short (except for Angus)
I’m sorry, but Tolkien most DEFINITELY goes with rock, as Led Zeppelin proved. I think just about all their “best” lyrics are from Tolkien. I’ve probably shared this before, but being a latecomer to Zeppelin (not openly digging more than 3 songs until I was in my 20s) and never being a fan of the fantasy fiction genre, when I watched those Lord of the Rings movies with my oldest son, it occurred to me just how close the tie was between Zeppelin and Tolkien. Anyhow, I must object!
I agree with Andyr that make-up has its place in rock. I can go with rock, but I disagree with Andyr that champagne has a place. What a rocker does in the hotel room is not the same as what a rocker does on stage and in the studio.
Shorts most definitely do not go with rock!
Spandex does not go with rock. Sorry, David Lee Roth and Pat Benetar fans.
I disagree.
Bob Dylan
Graham Parker
Elvis Costello
Chris Stamey
Christianity
Laptops.
I was going to say shorts too after reading slacks. I’m not sure I know the definition of slacks. Short is different. I think most of your famous rockers are on the short end of the spectrum.
Paul Simon with a cap is much preferable to the alternative, which leads me to another thing that does not go with rock — toupees/weaves.
To me make-up is the non-rock, theatrical aspect of glam. Most of these things will have some kind of exception. I would admit the Ronettes for make-up.
I submit that Led Zeppelin rocks *in spite of* the Tolkien. Those songs would kick much more ass if they were about, you know, kicking ass and shit.
Bowties
Chastity.
so mired in the subjectivities of taste we are.
i think tolkien, jesus, champagne, makeup, the outdoors and even sunshine TOTALLY rock. But that’s just me.
I like the recent entries, which get us back to the undoubtables: bowties (whether worn, or pasta), laptops (whether mac or pc), and chastity definitely don’t rock.
What about pink leg warmers? they belong in cheesy synth pop? sure. but rock? no.
If sunshine and the outdoors do not go with rock, there sure have been a lot of well-attended but misguided rock festivals over the years.
I assume that laptops being on the list does not mean that desktops are ok. I also assume that it’s computers in live performance that are the issue, because everyone here has rocked out to music recorded on a computer.
My solution to the problem of laptop performers is to project the display screen so that we can see what they’re doing. Sure most people won’t understand the software being displayed, but most people want to see the guitarists fingers on the fretboard even if they don’t know how to play the guitar themselves.
My solution to the problem of laptop performers is to project the display screen so that we can see what they’re doing.
Great. It’s only a matter of time before we’re spending $30 to watch someone do Photoshop.
HVB is dead on about Zeppelin. I always get the feeling Bob wants a fairy to sqeeze his lemon and I just er, can’t relate.
Makeup doesn’t include mascara, right? Cuz Keith Richards circa 72 with that mascara pretty much defines the rock look if you ask me. I disagree with Keith’s decision that teeth didn’t belong in rock, but he seems to have changed his mind about that.
Healthy catered food and French Glacier Water backstage doesn’t rock.
Big steve says:
If sunshine and the outdoors do not go with rock, there sure have been a lot of well-attended but misguided rock festivals over the years.
I say:
Yes my friend, their have
We all can agree that:
champagne goes well AFTER Rock, but not with.
Steely Dan, however, goes perfectly with champagne, AND a whole lot of other non Rock things.
Paul Simon does not Rock, so a baseball hat is perfectly fine on him.
Dylan does not rock either.
Those guys are folk artists.
Makeup DOES Rock.
Spandex does not.
Tolkien goes WITH Rock.
as Plant goes with Page.
and Mick goes with Kieth.
in and of itself, it doesn’t Rock, but it’s just the right amount of jive shit to stir up the pot.
dare i say:
like Paul to John?
kilroy, how high ARE you right now?
“Soft” does not go with “ROCK” (just as “Smooth” does not go with “JAZZ”)
Bob Dylan and Paul Simon haven’t been folk artists for, what, forty years?
Big Steve is right. Plus, you don’t want to confuse personal preferences with things that, objectively, do not rock.
Objectively, potpourri does not rock.
Scissors, but paper does.
Potting soil.
Teeth. Owch!
all the way high.
for real BigSteve? you don’t think Paul Simon and Bob Dylan are still folk artists?
Only in the sense that rock is the folk music of our time. You could also make the case that they were never truly folk artists.
I still think paul simon does not rock even though i love most of his work. i think he makes pop music that is folk based, not rock based.
i think he’s just fine in a baseball cap.
I suspect I feel the same way about Dylan, but as I’ve said in the past, I really don’t know enough about his work to say for sure.
Dont both of these guys write lyric driven songs that often have a moral message regardless of what style they produce them in?
That seems folky to me.
Moral messages? Not really. Simon’s recent music I would describe as rhythm-driven. Leonard Cohen I’d say is lyric-driven. Both Simon and Dylan I think make music that is at least as focused on the music as the lyrics. I think the idea of the Dylan as primarily a poet is misguided.
And btw the original question was not “what does not rock?” It was “what does not go with rock?” which is a different matter.
And I might admit that Bob’s recent Don Ameche mustache does not go with rock.
Crocs.
Do bicycles go with rock?
Is Rick Nielsen an exception to the bowtie?
Puppies, perhaps, do not go.
Bicycles DO go with rock: Pink Floyd’s “Bike”, Martin Newell’s bike tours of England, even that Queen song, “Bicycle”, was pretty good as operatic Queen songs go.
I believe you’re right about puppies. I’m not going to comment on Rick Nielsen.
Aside from my own feeling that Rick Nielsen in general doesn’t Rock, the bowtie doesn’t take any points off only because it so doesn’t go with rock. That’s the point, right? Like the AC/DC fellow, and his school-boy shtick.
Some things, conversely, that are *supposed* to rock, don’t go with rock at all, IMO. As a stay@home dad, I see guys in the park with their kids, chunky little frat-boy looking fathers, buzz haircuts with a little rebellious tuft sticking up with gloop in the front, highlighted by wraparound mirror shades, and all but audibly chanting “I’m NOT driving a minivan, I’m NOT driving a minivan…” Everything about these people is designed to shout “RAHK, DEWD!” Yet if someone walked on stage with a guitar looking like that, they would have a serious hole to dig out of before I would concede rockness.
I was thinking of the song, “My White Bicycle” as a typed my post – which I like. Somehow, I think songs about bicycles can rock, you don’t see rockers posing with bicycles. You see them with cars, motorcycles or Vespas if they are being mod.
I mean to say I like “My White Bicycle”, not that I liked my own post! BTW.
A cradle. I mean, perhaps it “will” rock, but as of now, it does not.
Also, another thing that does not go with rock would be: castration.
Puffy sneaks do not go with rock.
Black leather trench coats do not go with rock.
The IPO, a la Bowie, does not go with rock. (Initial Public Offering of stocks on your “brand”.)