13 Responses to “Music aside (as if that mattered), with which of these guitar-slingers would you least want to find yourself seated at a wedding reception?”
My answer would not be Vai, because with him I could at least discuss working with David Lee Roth, who I find one of the most fascinating and quotable people in rock and roll. I could ask “at what point did DLR realized he made a horrible mistake leaving Van Halen?”, “at what point did DLR realize he was fighting a losing battle with male pattern baldness?”, “did he do the no-brown-M&M thing on tour?” etc.
For least, I would have to go with Satriani. I don’t know this Lukather guy, so I could at least make pleasant chit chat like you often have to do with strangers at weddings. With Satriani, I would be fighting the urge to round house kick him in the throat all night long.
Lukather played on Randy Newman’s Trouble in Paradise. Not my favorite Newman album, but it’d give me something to talk to him about. Vai, I’d ask about Roth or even Zappa. Not really curious to hear about anything Satriani’s ever worked on, so he’s out.
Lukather has been a regular commenter in Bob Lefsetz’s email/newsletter. I’m not a fan of his music but he seems to be a dude you could have cool conversation with over a few beers. Joe Satriani has a backing vocal credit on the first Crowded House album, I always wondered about that. So I guess that leaves Vai. There is almost zero knowledge or thought going into this decision.
Good to read a little support for Satriani. In some ways his pedestrian Ed Hardy Look is most horrifying to me, but I saw him play live on some televised concert once and he gave off a pleasant guitar teacher vibe. Vai seems like he might be so ridiculous he’d be kind of entertaining. For me, that leaves Lukather. As much as I trust your assessment of his beer-buddy qualities, his music with Toto is the only body of work I actually know. I can’t stand that stuff, so I’d have trouble getting those songs out of my mind. I’m having trouble thinking about them at the moment, and Lukather’s nowhere near my kitchen.
I get the sense that Vai knows he’s being a bombastic tool but is doing it because that’s what the gig calls for, and i can respect that on a certain level. I would want to know why he has those cut-outs in the body of his signature model guitars. Are they purely aesthetic? Or are they handles of some sort? Also, does he really refer to play that crap gear or does he actually play a Tele when no one is around watching him?
Satriani always struck me as a bit of a nerd and I find that kind of endearing. Plus he left a message on our answering machine for my heavy metal roommate once and he sounded like a regular Joe. I’d like to ask him if Kenny Arenoff ever got in his face for copping his Look.
With Vai, I could talk about Diamond Dave and, more importantly, his work on the underrated Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey, so he’s the easiest to eliminate.
With Satriani, I guess he likes comic books with that Silver Surfer album cover, so I could probably come up with some middle ground. That, or I’d just pretend to be a major Chickenfoot fan and see how thick I could lay it on before he’d realize I was messing with him.
Lukather, though, I got nothing. The Santana performance cdm mentions above already starts him out on a bad foot for me, and the hair and overall look in the image above gives off a Guy Fieri kind of vibe that makes me think I couldn’t even bond with the guy over beer, because he’d be drinking Coors or one of those nightmare beers with tomato juice or lime in them or something.
Yup, 2000, I’d second that strategy, and it better not be just light beer and chardonnay at that event, but you just know that will be your fate. I have absolutely no preference, but it seems like Vai would probably get some action from the bridesmaids, so that would be entertaining to watch. I would convince him to create a hydra guitar where if you cut off the neck, three more appear – he’d be Mr. Moderator’s session musician nightmare!
My answer would not be Vai, because with him I could at least discuss working with David Lee Roth, who I find one of the most fascinating and quotable people in rock and roll. I could ask “at what point did DLR realized he made a horrible mistake leaving Van Halen?”, “at what point did DLR realize he was fighting a losing battle with male pattern baldness?”, “did he do the no-brown-M&M thing on tour?” etc.
For least, I would have to go with Satriani. I don’t know this Lukather guy, so I could at least make pleasant chit chat like you often have to do with strangers at weddings. With Satriani, I would be fighting the urge to round house kick him in the throat all night long.
Was Yngwie Malmsteen not available for this tour?
Ha! Great rationale for ruling out Vai! Lukather’s claim to fame is centered around his membership in Toto, if memory serves.
Lukather played on Randy Newman’s Trouble in Paradise. Not my favorite Newman album, but it’d give me something to talk to him about. Vai, I’d ask about Roth or even Zappa. Not really curious to hear about anything Satriani’s ever worked on, so he’s out.
I think this one is pretty much a slam dunk.
Lukather has been a regular commenter in Bob Lefsetz’s email/newsletter. I’m not a fan of his music but he seems to be a dude you could have cool conversation with over a few beers. Joe Satriani has a backing vocal credit on the first Crowded House album, I always wondered about that. So I guess that leaves Vai. There is almost zero knowledge or thought going into this decision.
Good to read a little support for Satriani. In some ways his pedestrian Ed Hardy Look is most horrifying to me, but I saw him play live on some televised concert once and he gave off a pleasant guitar teacher vibe. Vai seems like he might be so ridiculous he’d be kind of entertaining. For me, that leaves Lukather. As much as I trust your assessment of his beer-buddy qualities, his music with Toto is the only body of work I actually know. I can’t stand that stuff, so I’d have trouble getting those songs out of my mind. I’m having trouble thinking about them at the moment, and Lukather’s nowhere near my kitchen.
I totally forgot about Satriani singing on the Crowded House album. He moves ahead of Vai now for me.
Wow, I’d get really plowed at that wedding so no one would talk to me!
I would least like to be stuck at a table with Steve Lukather if only based on his performance in the jam that we analyzed last year: https://www.rocktownhall.com/blogs/index.php/telltale-signs-of-a-rock-%E2%80%98n-roll-asshole/
I get the sense that Vai knows he’s being a bombastic tool but is doing it because that’s what the gig calls for, and i can respect that on a certain level. I would want to know why he has those cut-outs in the body of his signature model guitars. Are they purely aesthetic? Or are they handles of some sort? Also, does he really refer to play that crap gear or does he actually play a Tele when no one is around watching him?
Satriani always struck me as a bit of a nerd and I find that kind of endearing. Plus he left a message on our answering machine for my heavy metal roommate once and he sounded like a regular Joe. I’d like to ask him if Kenny Arenoff ever got in his face for copping his Look.
With Vai, I could talk about Diamond Dave and, more importantly, his work on the underrated Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey, so he’s the easiest to eliminate.
With Satriani, I guess he likes comic books with that Silver Surfer album cover, so I could probably come up with some middle ground. That, or I’d just pretend to be a major Chickenfoot fan and see how thick I could lay it on before he’d realize I was messing with him.
Lukather, though, I got nothing. The Santana performance cdm mentions above already starts him out on a bad foot for me, and the hair and overall look in the image above gives off a Guy Fieri kind of vibe that makes me think I couldn’t even bond with the guy over beer, because he’d be drinking Coors or one of those nightmare beers with tomato juice or lime in them or something.
Oh man, I just noticed that the video the accompanies that post is “No Longer Available Due To a Copyright Claim By Steve Lukather”. He’s on to us!
That’s too bad. The following clip is nowhere near as informative, but I think it still gets to the same message:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XwAc9z3bN8&feature=related
Yup, 2000, I’d second that strategy, and it better not be just light beer and chardonnay at that event, but you just know that will be your fate. I have absolutely no preference, but it seems like Vai would probably get some action from the bridesmaids, so that would be entertaining to watch. I would convince him to create a hydra guitar where if you cut off the neck, three more appear – he’d be Mr. Moderator’s session musician nightmare!