Of all the inherently cool bands with enough label support and public interest to reasonably be expected to capitalize on the video age, have any artists failed as miserably as The Rolling Stones and The Clash?
Granted, the Stones were already old when videos became a major marketing tool, but compared with their peers, have they even come up with something as “anti-clever” as George Harrison’s “I’ve Got My Mind Set On You” video? That one in which the sepia-toned Stones try to act cool while towering over New York City strives to be cool, but it’s quickly ruined its invasion of tired Victoria’s Secret models. Yeah, we know the ladies love you and you’ve collectively sired 107 illegitimate children to prove it.
Here’s what may be the most ambitious Stones video.
It plays like an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. While the producer hired every sweaty Hispanic extra available on short notice and willing to work for meal money, he or she couldn’t have found a better fake moustache and glue than the bargain-basement stuff Oliver Stone likes to use on his period pieces? Did Stone have something to do with the making of this video? Jagger, like any actor in a film by Oliver Stone whose character requires facial hair, must answer one question: You don’t have a desk job with a dress code, the Principal and your Mom’s not going to give you a hard time, your mate is understanding of the demands put on your career…can’t you take a couple of weeks out of your schedule to grow a real moustache?
All that said, I can write off the failed opportunities of The Stones in the video age to the fact that they’d already conquered the genre, the world, the underage models of Brazil. The Clash is another matter, and I have determined exactly what held them back. Continue reading »
A few of you have heard me rave about the 1971 German release of The Beatles’ Magical Mystery Tour in true stereo. A few of you have had a copy of this album foisted upon you by yours truly. The release was the first true stereo release of a Beatles album, and I believe it greatly benefits this cinematically conceived album.
In the coming days, I’ll be posting a track at a time from the German true stereo release. Each track will be posted as an .mp3 with full knowledge that this somewhat defeats your Moderator’s rare mind-meld with audiophiles. To further deflate any audiophile’s expectations, these .mp3s have been burned from my copy of the album. I take decent care of my albums – better than some, much worse than others. Despite these limitations, I’m confident that you’ll hear some of the differences from the original release and hopeful that you’ll feel some of the benefits of the true stereo mix. Continue reading »
Mr. Moderator is nothing if not zealous in his efforts to protect the hallowed Halls of Rock from assholishness. [Mod. – Hey, some days I think I promote just that!] One of Moddie’s first defensive bulwarks in this effort is an understandable reluctance to let folks post images and sounds without extensive monitoring and assistance. [Mod. – Ugh!]
Well, folks, after much lobbying and assuaging of doubts, I finally managed to convince our Moderator that it would be in the Hall’s best interest to at least allow me to post my Thrifty Music series without requiring extensive interactive assistance from Mod and The Back Office. [Mod. – Bravo!] (Posting a Thrifty Music comp actually takes a lot of time and quite a bit of work, people… y’all bettah recognize!)
Anyhow, my first order of business upon being granted these limited powers of postage has been to make sure I know what the hell I’m doing before setting about finally delivering Volume 8 of the Thrifty Music series. So, naturally, I thought I’d share a couple of the most heinous rejects from my bin-scouring efforts. If this experimental post makes it through the ether successfully, I shall undertake to bring you the next couple of Thrifty Music comps quickly and with meticulous attention to quality.
IN THE MEANTIME…
The Whatnauts — and “Ray” — will erase away your pain
First up in this experimental collection: “I”ll Erase Away Your Pain,” by Baltimore’s The Whatnauts. When I first slapped this grimy 45 onto the turntable, I was quite taken aback by the sheer weirdness of the song. Who greenlighted this project?! I mean, to achieve some measure of success in popular music, don’t you need to at least offer a hummable melody, or a catchy hook, or something? This song is structured so strangely that even the skip/scratch at the top of the number seems to make no difference to its melodic “flow.” Note also that — while I try to refrain from simply regurgitating intelligence I gather from the InterWeb on my Thrifty Music subjects — I have to share something I found on a site called musthear.com, describing the band’s line-up: “Obscure beyond reason, the Whatnauts were comprised of Garnett Jones, Billy Herndon, Gerald “Chunky” Pinckney, and a guy identified only as Ray, who disappeared after this album.” More power to ya, Ray! The next best thing to The Oneders’ T.B. Player!
50 gold piasters to the man who can find me a photo of the Jalopy Five!
Secondly, as a heartfelt “thank you” to all the RTHers who wasted our time so admirably on that embarassingly geeky “What if the Beatles were food?” thread, I offer an interesting take on “Nowhere Man” by HIT! Records’ own Jalopy Five. Pay careful attention to the dulcet tones of the Jalopies’ backup harmonies, and their guitarist’s effort to reproduce Harrison’s lead in the middle. Ahhh… the ’60s. A glorious era of pop music genius!
So, even for this experimental post, now is the time ask my usual probing questions of you, the listener. They follow below:
1. Poor “Ray” — his contributions to the Whatnauts are sadly lost in the mists of rock time. But was he the Whatnauts’ Stu Sutcliffe or just their Pete Best? And while I’m asking questions around here…Which long-lost “original band member” from a fave band of yours do you wish would make a triumphant return?
2. I’m still laughing at that Jalopy Five cover — but now I’m chortling at the fake Liverpool accents the band adopts for maximum Beatle-riffic effect. Question: Other than fake American and British accents, can you think of any other fake ethno-linguistic affectations in the world of rock?
Despite any feelings you might have about the artist in the above video and the quality of his performance, which I’ll acknowledge is only mediocre, check out what happens as the YouTube clock hits 1:40 and counting down. You might have a similar reaction as the woman in the following, very short clip:
ProTools is soon to launch a “sound dehancer” plug-in called InstaSuck. Using InstaSuck, Late Night With David Letterman band leader Shaffer can be dialed up for any band’s performance, and even the most stirring performance will be brought down a few notches. Since moving his Look from lovable wiseacre who was born to play Artie Fufkin to Liberace in sausage casing, Shaffer’s campy gesticulations and overbitten keyboard runs have risen to the level of Rock Crimes. Continue reading »
This one comes in all the way from wherever the hell Townswoman Blue Meanie is because she requested it and wants to dedicate it to Hrrundi, whom she figures “will be on eBay trying to figure out where to get one of those.”
Well alright Blue Meanie. Thanks for contacting us here in the All-Star Jam department of YOUR – ROCK – TOWN – HALL.
In response to the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Shame thread, Townsman Alexmagic chimed in with a treatise on Styx that needs to be brought front and center for the good of future generations of rock nerds.
Styx may deserve a spin-off thread from this spun-off thread. Everything about the band is worth discussing in this context, from the name, to their costumes, their moves, their lyrics and their Look. A vintage Styx band photo gets you a lead singer who looks like the Living Mannequin from Today’s Special, a guitar player who looks like Muppet Show-era Mark Hamill and another guitar player who looks like Red Rose Speedway-era Linda McCartney with a moustache.
If you can find the video for “Rockin’ the Paradise” online (click this link!) – one of the first ten videos played on MTV – you would indeed see that a competent prosecution could build a pretty mean case in a Rock Crimes Trial of Styx. But that would miss the point, miss how the video showcases the sad truth at the heart of the band, miss how five men could at once be together and yet so very, very alone. The inherent duality of Styx, the battle of Tommy Shaw’s all-consuming need to rock vs. Dennis DeYoung’s refined desire to add a sense theatre and lyrics about robots, is on full display. And so while the band is triumphantly captured at the height of their popularity, we can also see the inner turmoil that would drive them apart. Continue reading »
Under the guidance and wisdom of Townsman E. Pluribus Gergeley, we have officially defined the oft-cited Sam Ash Sound.
The Sam Ash Sound is the sound produced by any brand new instrument sold at any Sam Ash music store. A typical Sam Ash electric guitar sound can be heard when a brand new electric with super-light strings is removed from a rack and amplified by a Crate-like monstrosity with control settings all at “5,” except for treble, which is consistently set at “8” or “9.”
Drumwise, the Tama Corporation does it’s best to deliver the goods (see video following jump). As stated previously, there is a heavy emphasis on treble and cleanliness.
Recording equipment sold at Sam Ash stores magically captures the Sam Ash Sound, even when recording instruments that were not purchased at one of their locations! However, Sam Ash sales representatives strongly recommend recording with the full arsenal of Sam Ash-approved instruments. Although the chain will not confirm this, some believe that the Sam Ash manages to maintain its distinctive level of quality through an exclusive deal with major instrument manufacturers on their factory rejects.
The Sam Ash Sound is captured in all its glory at Karaoke bars across the country and, specifically, in New Hope, Pennsylvania, where it is played in all it’s techincal perfection by balding musicians with pony tails and macrame belts. Continue reading »
