We spend a lot of time and energy around here being ever-so-slightly cleverer than the rest of the rock blog world — and that’s usually a good thing. But sometimes you just want some editorial comfort food — something reasonably filling, and vaguely tasty. Something tried and true. Something like… a KRAZY KAPTION KONTEST!
Rules are simple enough: following is a selection of funny fotos from around the web. Your job is to assign a KRAZY KAPTION to as many of them as you please. Of course, as in all things RTH, your KRAZY KAPTION must reference the Rock. For extra credit:
- Pick any three photos and give us captions that separately reference a song, an artist, and an album.
- Create a narrative flow between any three photos using your captions.
- Reference Bob Seger in any of your captions.
Winning captions will be chosen by Mr. Moderator, and proudly displayed on our front page for, oh, at least a day. Of course, all winners receive the coveted RTH No-Prize.
I look forward to your KRAZY KAPTIONS.
HVB
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
1. David Thomas refuses to give Huey Lewis & the News’ hits a second chance.
2. Mashallstacks Calhoun wants the head of Tommy Smothers.
3. This is not what Marshallstacks Calhoun had in mind when he requested that the engineer “scoop out some midrange.”
4. “Don’t try to follow me. I’m pretty handy with this.”
5. Elvis Costello trains dog to do his master’s work.
1. Finally, I know what I’m going to be for Halloween: Syd Barrett…
“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU ROGER WATERS!!!”
2. Floozy: “Hunny, cool down! I’d never sleep with BOB SEGER anyway–he’s a douche bag!”
3. Just as I thought: Bocephus is only a shell of a man…
4. “MRAH MRAH MRAH MRAH MRAH!”
5. Sparky: “OMG. This is soooo much better… Why didn’t I think of this?”
1. “Yahh. You see, met der trrue Cherrman Sterreo, you can hear Rrringo in zis earrr, unt evrrysing else in zis earr… but everysing give you met der kristal-cleaarr clarity!”
2. Townsman andyr (aka the Velvet Foghorn) makes it clear: “jamming is okay, AS LONG AS IT’S PLANNED OUT IN ADVANCE, MOTHERFUCKERS!”
3. Canned Heat frontman Bob Hite, proving once and for all that he did indeed “sing his heart out.”
4. Ted Nugent’s music suffered after he lost the hair and beard — but everything else pretty much stayed the same.
5. E. Pluribus Gergley makes his opinions about the upcoming RTH facelift known ahead of time.
1. Van Morrison hears the playback of Astral Weeks Live at the Hollywood Bowl.
2. Rehearsals for the Astral Weeks gig did not follow script.
4. I’m with you Richard and Linda – shoot out the lights – yarrr!
I can see I’m going to have my work cut out for me in awarding the RTH No-Prize. Keep ’em coming!
2. “Tori Amos? Tori Amos? You tell Mick Foley I’ll take Tracey Chapman any day of the week!”
4. I’m not leaving for the Pavement show until I get back my sextant!
1 “It’s not enough to protect your ears from Tinnitus, your brain and eyes are in danger from rock music” Pete Townshend.
2 “Macho Man” Randy Savage immediately improves the tone of Willie Nelson’s favorite guitar “Trigger” after he warbled To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before just once too often.
3 Inspired by his song “Junk”, piggy banks based on images of 1970 Paul McCartney were manufactured, but sold poorly. Later, excess inventory caused them to be later given away as promotional items with his next album, Ram, however that was quickly discontinued, as it was posited they were depressing sales as buyers seemed embarrassed to even be seen going to the register with them.
4 Paul McCartney holds up his new “rifle” bass at the 9/11 rally given to him by Neocon supporters. Disappointed baby boomer fans expecting the violin bass were more astonished that he no longer dyes his hair.
5 The single “Walk With You” from Ringo Starr’s new album, supported by Paul McCartney’s vocals, is often used as a calming cathartic for contestants preparing for the Westminster Kennel Club show, the idea being “Hearing crap makes them do it.”
1. “Is RADIO! East German RADIO! RUNDFUNK! Is excellent! Cheap too!”
2. “Honey, all he said was he liked your earlier, Seger-inspired work better.”
3. Rejected fingerpick design.
4. “OK, you can take it now.”
5. Look up “prock” in the dictionary, and you’ll find a picture of …
1. “Okay, I think I’m ready to hear that Huey Lewis cover of ‘Night Moves.'”
2. “Rock and Roll NEVER forgets!”
3. Proof that Seger is not at all “Like A Rock.”
4. “Now, if anybody out there has seen those Silver Bullet Bands, give them back this instant!”
5. “I think I’ll go to Katmandoo…that’s where I’m really really going to.”
TB
2. Handsome Dick Manitoba biopic to be released direct to View-Master™.
2nd try:
1. “Bob Seger performed experiments on me in a UFO. The only way I can protect myself is through sensory deprivation so that I am not exposed to the media onslaught of his cultural hegemony…what, no, it’s 1980, what are you talking about?”
2. No, Randy, no! I was talking about Bob Seger’s “Like a Rock”. Not “The Rock”. Please leave those mariachis alone, you’ll kill them I tell you!
– Alanis Morissette
3. Contrary to rural myth, Bob Seger’s portly frame is not filled with gold, and even poorly made plastic figures of his image have no value whatsoever.
4. “I hold aloft this totally archaic weapon to signify my love for Sata…by which I mean, uh…Bob Seger!
Crowd responds “Yay!”
5. Mixed breed dog “Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man”, quietly gives his response to what it’s like to be named after the one good Bob Seger song.
Crazy Train by Ozzy Osborne
1) Crazy, but that’s how it goes
2) Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it’s not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
Mental…
3) …wounds not healing
Life’s a bitter shame
I’m going off the rails on a crazy train
I’ve listened to preachers
4) I’ve listened to fools
5) I’ve watched all the dropouts …
Suddenly, I am reminded of this thread:
http://www.tmz.com/2011/05/20/randy-savage-car-accident-macho-man-dead-dies-died-killed-wwe-wrestler-florida/
He was a great…man.