RTH Labs Archaeology Dept. Announces Major Discovery

RTH Labs compares “major Seger discovery” to Dead Sea scrolls

WASHINGTON, DC, JULY 12 — AP — RTH Labs Senior Archaeologist Milo P. Ogunquit announced today the unveiling of astonishing footage from 1970, showing RTH patron saint of well-intentioned mediocrity Bob Seger blasting through a white-hot cover of Chuck Berry’s “Carol” while performing at a benefit concert for then-jailed political acitivist John Sinclair.

“Sometimes the most important scientific discoveries are made precisely when one is *not* looking for something,” said Ogunquit. “That was true in this case.” Ogunquit went on to describe how his research staff was in fact seeking vintage Stevie Wonder concert footage when they stumbled across the searing Seger performance. “Unfortunately,” said Ogunquit, “our crack research staff also had to endure nearly an hour of strident — if not outright retarded — political commentary, as well as worthless performances by John Lennon and Allen Ginsburg, to ensure that there was no more than the one song from Bob Seger.” Ogunquit confirmed that the “Carol” performance is the only Seger tune in the grainy film, which was produced in 1971. Ogunquit also said that no RTH Lab staff were injured in the research process.

Ogunquit added: “For those of you who just want to enjoy this extremely rare concert footage of a young and vibrant Bob Seger, note that his performance starts at the point where aproximately 50 minutes remain in the film.” Ogunquit closed his remarks by cautioning RTH Townspeople against watching the Ginsburg performance that precedes Seger’s, saying it could have “psychologically debilitating” effects on viewers.

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