When the New England Patriots are up 31-3 at halftime and Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers unexpectedly launch into the lugubrious “Into the Great Wide Open”, the following pop culture exercise might come in handy and impress your friends.
Take a look at this interview with Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. Wait for the close ups. Pay particular attention to his mouth, also taking into consideration his flinty eyes.
Does he remind you of anyone from the worlds of both film and Constitutional Rights?
Great 48: sadly, must ask you to recuse yourself from this quiz, as I feel certain you’d know who these two dudes are. The rest of you — first one to identify the nappy-headed Robert DeNiro lookalike and his exasperated buddy gets a patented RTH No-Prize.
It’s time, people… time to TAKE RTH TO A WHOLE ‘NOTHER FUCKING LEVEL! Time to RAMP UP THE INTENSITY TO THE EXTREME! Time to KICK SOME MUTHA-FUCKIN’ AY-UHSSSSS! Time to DECIDE WHAT KIND OF BREAKFAST CEREAL YOUR FAVORITE ROCK BAND WOULD BE IF IT WERE, LIKE, TOTALLY A BREAKFAST CEREAL! TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!
Beatles
Rolling Stones
Kinks
Dylan
Van Fucking Halen
ZZ Top
Prince
ELO
Lou Reed
Television
Elvis Costello
Walter Becker’s Beard
Seeing as how my last attempt to bring a little fun and games to the hallowed halls was such a dismal failure…I’m trying again!
This time, I’m looking for a little creativity from you. Assisted creativity, that is. Following is a list of words and/or phrases. Your job is to produce a brief writing sample using the stipulated number of words and/or phrases, in all required categories. Format is unimportant — free verse, drama/play, haiku, essay, satire, whatever — but you must use the required words as indicated below! As always, the “winner” — determined by our Moderator — receives a prize and a virtual raspberry from all assembled.
I look forward to your responses.
Category A — Look (choose two)
Weatherbeaten leather jacket
“Aviator”-style sunglasses
Chuck Taylors
David Lee Roth “full bug” cowboy boots
Steve Vai Hair
Bill Cosby sweater
Mr. Moderator’s coiffure
Tom Petty’s teeth
Keef’s false teef
Kneepads
Y-front underpants
One sparkly glove
Walter Becker’s beard
Bob Seger’s grandpa glasses
Category B — Music (choose up to two)
Hip-hop
Power pop
Death metal
Classic rock
Disco
Oom-pah
Polka
Field hollers
Category C — Key Personalities (choose one or two)
Bill Wyman
Lou Reed
Billy Barty
Seth Dick III
Sib Hashian
The Prince Of Wales
Alex Van Halen
Joe Tex
Jeff Lynne
Jim Dandy
Waddy Wachtel
Lee Sklar
Ray Cooper
Paul McCartney
Bob Seger
Category D — Catch Phrases (choose no more than three)
“That’s gotta hurt!”
“Look at the size of that thing!”
“Shut up and scrape the bowl.”
“Ever since Nicholson won his Oscar, it’s been like this.”
“Does that thing have peanuts in it?”
“Now that’s what I call an ass-whuppin’!”
“I… I am filled with shame.”
“Ride ’em, cowboy!”
“Never mind all that. Have you seen Soul Plane yet?”
“GOD, that stinks!”
“Matt Damon!”
“That’s what SHE said!”
“Like a rock!”
Category E — Lyric Snippets (choose at least one)
“Come about hard, and join the young and often spring you gave”
“Mama say, mama sah, mama-ku-sah”
“I started a joke, which started the whole world laughing”
“My best friend, he shoots water rats and feeds hem to his geese”
“78 revolutions a minute, now!”
“There was nothing in my life bigger than beer”
“Juicy fruit… juicy!”
“Let me tell you how it will be”
“Wang dang, what a sweet poontang… she got a thang like a rang-a-dang-a-dang!”
“You keep scraping away”
“Her mommy was Mex’can, and her daddy was the ace of spades”
“Just get an electric guitar, and take some time, and learn how to play”
Category F — Food (choose no more than two)
Dr. Brown’s Celery Soda
Zagnut
Burgers ‘n beer
One hot kielbasa
Jack Daniel’s
The bearded clam
One pinched loaf
Chicken legs
Dinty Moore Beef Stew
Vienna sausages
Melons