please explain

Oh, Henry Rollins… How You Torment Me

Dec 092011

I am a disgruntled, cranky, increasingly disillusioned rock and roll fan — a man who really wants to believe in the transformative, healing properties of loud, fast music — and as I stare out at today’s pop-musical landscape, I’m filled with despair. I mean, it’s just a vast panorama of shit, from one end to the other. Music targeted at the masses has gotten so awful that it almost literally defies description. (How do you rail against performances that were born and bred inside a machine, as most modern “hits” are today?) “Rock and roll” — at least the kind foisted on the masses by today’s music/multi-media conglomerates — is just as depressing, if for different reasons. “Alternative” is a word that has completely lost all its meaning. And even music that strives to be new, as made by kidz who have never actually heard the old stuff… sounds so much like the old stuff that I find myself retreating further and further into my opium den of ancient, scratchy 45s and — yes, it’s true — 78 RPM records. I’m becoming a dragon robe-wearing high priest in E. Pluribus Gergley’s church of Nothing New Is Worth a Shit. It’s comforting.

People like me are why Henry Rollins seems to exist. He’s full of righteous indignation about the State Of Rock Things. He’s got punk cred answers where the rest of us struggle to articulate our questions. He makes aging hipsters feel all warm and fuzzy inside, as he rails against the awfulness of “the system” while simultaneously hailing the DIY ethos of the kidz and their basement-party rock politics. He’s our Jimmy Hoffa, our Teddy Roosevelt — our Mussolini. He makes our brain trains run on time, makes us feel good to be Rock Germans again.

The question is: is he actually an asshole? I’m really not sure. Do I prefer Hank Rollins the art-poet? The game show host? The rock philosopher? Who is Henry Rollins, anyway? Do you like Henry Rollins? I really want to know.

I look forward to your responses,

HVB

Josh Groban’s Representatives Ask Mr. Moderator, “What’s Your Beef With Our Client?”

Posted by Mr. Moderator

Nov 182011

Representatives for Josh Groban contacted Rock Town Hall’s Back Office last night to complain about the unfair treatment they felt their client received in a recent post we ran on a performance by Groban from a tribute concert to Neil Young. In part, their note read:

Why Josh’s heartfelt tribute to one of his musical heroes, Neil Young, a close personal friend of the artist, we might add, with whom Groban has performed at the artist’s fundraiser for The Bridge school, was posted for your community’s mockery is beyond us. And what does Josh Groban have to do with Jim Nabors, who surely was or maybe still is a great man? What’s the Moderator’s beef with our client?

Fair enough. Let me explain. One evening in the mid-1980s, while my bandmates and I were grabbing a bite between soundcheck and showtime a black guy stopped me on the street and asked the following question—and I only specify the man’s race in hopes that the hurtful thing he had to say was a matter of a possible “All white people look alike” mentality:

WANTED: Townspeople Who Know a Shitload About Any of the Following Bands

Posted by Mr. Moderator

Oct 272011

Someone asked me recently, “Mr. Moderator, if there was one thing you could do to make Rock Town Hall even better than it already is, what would that one thing be?”

Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve been thinking about this question for the last few days. As great as this place is, who says we can’t make it even better? Today I believe I have settled on an answer: We need a few Townspeople who know a shitload about any of the following bands to step forward and make their mark.

Sure, I want facts, but I also want a sense of your passion for any of these bands. I had no idea any of these bands existed, but they stumbling on the following Birth Control performance had led me down a rabbit hole of obscure hard-rockin’ bands representing fans with lifestyles I can barely imagine. I want to get to know these people. Check out the ancient worlds I have unconvered:

First, Birth Control, a band that seems to have captured the essence of Eric Burdon‘s psychedelicized Peace Warrior ravings and mixed in Krautrock and the heavy organ noodlings of Deep Purple. I know you’re gonna want to clap your hands when this number gets going!

Next up is Epitaph…

Explain Yourself, Newhart Supporters!

Posted by cdm

Oct 202011

Please explain how in the world the cast of the original Bob Newhart is beating Welcome Back Kotter in the “Who Would Have Made the Best Band” poll?

First let me acknowledge that the original Bob Newhart show is a stone cold classic and the second one had its moments as well, while Welcome Back Kotter wasn’t even funny in a turd-in-the-urinal kind of way.

But what kind of band is going to come out of either Newhart show? All I can envision for the first one might is a Steely Dan meets Kraftwerk scenario with Mr Carlin and Bob on the synths and Jerry and the receptionist on drums and bass. As for the second, maybe some condescending, too-smart-for-its-own-good, purposefully trashy send up of hillbilly music, like a third-rate Southern Culture on the Skids. And those are the best case scenarios as I see it.

On the other hand, it doesn’t require much imagination to see Vinnie Barbarino as Joey, Arnold Horshack as Dee Dee, Juan Epstein as Johnny, and Freddy “Boom Boom” Washington as that other guy.

Seriously, I love Bob Newhart. I have two of his albums. I’m a big fan of the Grace L Ferguson Airline and Storm Door Company. But for a band? Explain yourselves, Newhart supporters, or stop voting with your hearts and use you heads.

Please Explain: MusicLine

Posted by Mr. Moderator

Oct 042011

Courtesy of Townsman chergeuvara.

This forgotten oddity poses a lot of questions, much food for thought. The possibilities are endless, but I don’t have a clue where to start. Perhaps you can help me figure out what I was missing, just 90 miles south of the MusicLine dialing area. Perhaps Townsman alexmagic will resurface. Is he now pissed at me too? (Who else is pissed at me now?)

I look forward to you insights—and admissions of anger.

Please Explain: MUSIC!

Posted by Oats

Sep 232011

Seriously, what is this shit?

Where’s Paul Harvey When You Need Him?

Posted by al

Sep 042011

Who remembers that guy Paul Harvey? He used to do that radio series The Rest of the Story. He’d give the story behind the story, often in an O’Henry kind of way.

There seem to be lots of rock & roll stories where it would be good to have Paul Harvey give us the rest of the story.

Consider John Lennon & May Pang.

So, John was acting…something…and Yoko sent him off with May Pang to…something. And then John came back after his lost weekend…cured.

Anyone want to speculate on the real story here (real or fictional)? What other rock & roll stories are there of which you wish you knew the “rest of the story?”

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