six-pack or shotgun

Six-Pack or Shotgun: Who Gets Which?

Apr 282010

A recent issue of GQ is sitting in the men’s room at my office, with Jake Gyllenhaal making goo-goo eyes at me. I’m sure it’s just the way God made him – and I’ve only seen him in one or two movies that he did not single-handedly destroy – but that guy really annoys me. Believe me, I know nothing about him (he may be a fantastic human being and all that), but every time I look at him he strikes me as a world-class kiss ass!

This got me thinking about Townsman E. Pluribus Gergely‘s Six-Pack or Shotgun theory on how we actually assess acting talent. To summarize, if you don’t have the time to go back and read the original thread, Gergely’s legendary late-night pronouncement on the topic should do:

“There’s no such thing as Acting Ability!” he said in typically definitive fashion, slamming his fist for emphasis. “When we watch any any actor in any movie it comes down to one thing: If that actor showed up unannounced at your back door, would you greet him or her with a six-pack or a shotgun?“

Today, let’s see if we can tackle the near-impossible task of applying this theory to related pairs of polarizing musicians. Sure, we’re loaded for bear when it comes to passionate, informed musical opinions, but let’s see if we can leave musical content out of it and investigate whether there is a deeper truth to our feelings on the following pairs of artists.

Your mission is to choose which artist in each pair gets the six-pack and which gets the shotgun. There’s no in-between, no ties, and especially none of this! The only risk you face in participating is the risk of revealing something deep about yourself.

A final reminder: If at all possible, leave your opinions on the artists’ music out of it. To aid in this I have attempted to kick things off with the selection of a few pairs of artists whose music most Townspeople have equal amounts of musical interest in.

When you’re done assigning the six-pack and the shotgun to each of the following sets of related polarizing artists feel free to add your own pair of related polarizing artists for us to ponder.

Let’s get it on…after the jump!

Six-Pack or Shotgun?

Posted by Mr. Moderator

Jan 072010

I’d like to offer a little diversion from the intense work we’ve been doing on cover bands, Nektar, and other Important Rock Topics. I’d like to launch a potential series, maybe a monthly event, in which we share our thoughts on a particular Hollywood actor or two according to a particular theory on acting that a Townsman developed years ago, the Six-Pack or Shotgun Theory.

Long ago my close personal friend, E. Pluribus Gergely, explained to me his Six-Pack or Shotgun Theory. It was late at night. Those of us at the table had had much to eat and, in some cases, drink. The topic of Great Acting came up. Gergs passionately launched into his belief that our assessment of acting talent has little to do with the actor’s craft or skill, which he was doubtful even exists.

“There’s no such thing as Acting Ability!” he said in typically definitive fashion, slamming his fist for emphasis. “When we watch any any actor in any movie it comes down to one thing: If that actor showed up unannounced at your back door, would you greet him or her with a six-pack or a shotgun?”

In other words, would you welcome this person, as you perceive the actor to be in real life – no matter what character the actor was playing in any movie – into your home, or would you make it clear that he or she needs to get off of your property? To E. Pluribus Gergely, that’s what 99% of us use to base our judgments on an actor.

Over the years I’ve come to agree with this theory. It’s rare that I think an actor I like for his or her “good egg” or other generally appealing qualities is particularly bad in a movie, even a terrible movie. For instance, I’ve managed to dig Nicolas Cage‘s performances in a dozen horrendous movies. I simply find the guy to project an amusing and agreeable personality. It would be worth my while to hang out with an unannounced Nic Cage. Six-pack!

That night, E. mentioned a couple of other actors who project a loveable, easygoing nature as examples of Six-Pack recipients. We agreed with most of his selections, but it was clear from the start that this is a matter of highly personal choice. Your six-pack could easily be someone else’s shotgun.

He cited one actor who we readily agreed merited the shotgun:

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